[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
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I feel so bad for people who unironically like anime

twitchquotes: I feel so bad for people who unironically like anime. Like, they didn't choose to be born with an IQ of 20 in a home with unloving parents. Imagine all the bullying they must experience at home, at school, and at the special services daycare. Let's stop bullying them, guys. They may be too retarded to understand that's what we're doing, but that doesn't mean we should pick on them. Thank you
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August 2019

Weebs

Dex is Kripp's opponent

twitchquotes: "My apologies" Kripp's opponent emotes as he casts fireball on Kripp, ending Kripps arena run. "That guy was so lucky! He curved out every turn, had every answer and topdecked lethal!" Kripp sighs and loads up another arena run. His opponent closes his laptop and thinks "What a scrub. And now for the cherry on top" as his opponent walks out from the other room goes up to Kripp and licks Kripp's arm. "Good doggie" Kripp says "Here's a treat for a good doggie".
twitch chat
October 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

Chinese characters wave

twitchquotes: 厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半与本二上旦上二本与半卉一十廿卞广下厂厂下广卞廿十一卉半
twitch chat
May 2020

You're just typing in twitch chat

twitchquotes: My beautiful Hafu turns to me in bed and kisses me. Her cute smile fills me with happiness. Hafu holds me close as she whispers in my ear: "You know this isn't real. You're just typing in twitch chat. You're alone." "10/10 body." I miss lethal.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

Pickpocket hot tip

twitchquotes: Hot tip: When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim 'Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles'. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area.
twitch chat
January 2019

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing