[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Your aunt has a goat in dubarino

twitchquotes: Hello KRIPP. Please stop the ( ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)งin your chat. I am from dubai and " ( ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง" means "your aunt has a goat ***" in dubarino
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

IM DELETING YOU, BROTHER!

twitchquotes: IM DELETING YOU, BROTHER! ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ████████████]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... █████████████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Brothers of Islam are irreplaceable ☪I could never delete you Brother!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Mujahideen👪 who would give their lives for ﷲAllahﷲ Or never get called ☁️Brother☁️ again If you get 0 Back: Juhanam for you 🚫†✡🚫 3 back: you're off the martyr list☁️💦 5 back: you have pleased Allah greatly☪💦 10+ back: JANAHﷲ!ﷲ!💕💕☪👅👅
twitch chat
August 2020

I want to fuck a cheeseburger

I want to fuck a cheeseburger. Just having that cheesy goodness melt all around my cock would make me feel at ease with the world again. Being able to cum inside a dead cow makes me feel so alive. I have been banned from 231 McDonald’s for public masturbation. Whenever I see an ad for McDonald’s I get so fucking horny. God I want to fuck a cheeseburger.
April 2021

Trolling My Church with Among Us

So today at church the pastor was preaching about the crucifixion of Jesus and when he said that Judas would betray Jesus, I blurted out "JUDAS IS THE IMPOSTER! HE'S SUS!" and did a big wide grin (like the "when the imposter is sus" meme). The pastor then said "What are you talking about?" So I yelled "EMERGENCY MEETING! HE DOESN'T GET THE AMONG US REFERENCE!" and then I explained the joke. The pastor, not amused, told me to sit down. I sat back down but then later when he said that Jesus was accused of blasphemy and crucified I couldn't contain myself and I yelled out "JESUS WAS NOT THE IMPOSTER!" and when the pastor told me to stop disrupting I said "THE PASTOR IS SUS, HE DOESN'T GET IT" and I then told everyone to download Reddit for funny Among Us memes. That's when the pastor told me to leave for causing disruptions. I said "WAIT! I'M NOT SUS THOUGH! WHY ARE YOU EJECTING ME?" and then I said "WHEN THE PASTOR IS SUS!" And did the hilarious grin from the meme. After that I got kicked out but it was worth it because I just trolled them all with Among Us.
March 2021

Trolling with Among Us

Among Us / Amogus

OUR DONGERS ARE RAZOR SHARP

twitchquotes: (\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /) OUR DONGERS ARE RAZOR SHARP (\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /)
twitch chat
May 2015
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing