[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Based on fucking what? BASED ON FUCKING WHAT?

Based on fucking what? BASED ON FUCKING WHAT? You fucking cunt, you motherfucker. All I read is "based based based cringe cringe based", can't you fucking come up with anything else? It feels as if I'm talking to people with fucking dementia or something and they keep repeating the same fucking words on loop. BASED ON FUCKING WHAT??? THE BIBLE? THE OXFORD DICTIONARY? MY HAIRY ASSHOLE? OH my God just shut the fuck up it's like you can't form a coherent sentence without using one of these saturated, retarded words that lost all meaning overtime. "BASED BASED BASED CRINGE CRINGE WOKE REDPILL CRINGE WOKE GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU LITTLE BITCH YOU CUNT YOU FUCking asshole you bitch you cunt little shit Based? Based on what? On your dick? Please shut the fuck up and use words properly you fuckin troglodyte, do you think God gave us a freedom of speech just to spew random words that have no meaning that doesn't even correlate to the topic of the conversation? Like please you always complain about why no one talks to you or no one expresses their opinions on you because you're always spewing random shit like poggers based cringe and when you try to explain what it is and you just say that it's funny like what? What the fuck is funny about that do you think you'll just become a stand-up comedian that will get a standing ovation just because you said "cum" on the stage? HELL NO YOU FUCKIN IDIOT, so please shut the fuck up and use words properly you dumb bitch
December 2021

Based

It's not gay with socks on

When I was 13 years old a buddy of mine tried to convince me to fool around. I wasn't into it, and he told me it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I didn't believe him, went home, and asked my dad. That's 'gentleman's gay', hardly gay at all. Don't see it much these days. The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin. At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor. The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts. Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t β€˜gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.
August 2021

Derp face

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
May 2021

Roe v. Wade Emoji Pasta

HEY πŸ‘‹πŸ˜© there comrade πŸ’¦πŸ’ͺcummy! the πŸ‘Ή supreme πŸ† cockπŸ› has πŸ—³voted to strike πŸ‘©β€βš–οΈβŒ›οΈdown the 🌈 sexy 🀧🀰🏻roe v. wade decision 😏according 🀀🦢🏻to a opinion πŸ–ŠwrittenβœοΈπŸ’Έ by daddy πŸ’…πŸ»πŸ™ˆ sammy πŸ‘ΆπŸ»πŸ™…πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ aLITo. πŸ·πŸ’¨ the opinion is a πŸ’¦πŸŒ FULL THROATED πŸ“²β€οΈβ€πŸ”₯GIRTHY πŸ† contraDICKtion πŸš«πŸ‘ of the 1973 πŸ‘ΏπŸ‘Ždecision that πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ‘Œ guaranteed federal 😀 cocks-titutuinal 😳 protection πŸ‘…πŸ’„of abortion rights!!! ❀️‍πŸ”₯🫑everyone who πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ’¦ woke remember πŸ™‹βœŠπŸ»πŸ€” to fund πŸ’ΈπŸ₯΅ planned parenthood and πŸŒͺπŸ‘Ό donate to πŸ§‘πŸΌβ€πŸΌπŸ€‘abortion funds! get yo πŸ“Έuturuses πŸ’‹πŸ‘ turnt you πŸ’ƒwhore! 🌭every whore knows 🧠🍼that everyone πŸ”œshould have πŸ‘©β€βš•οΈπŸ₯access to safe πŸ™ 🌎abortions ❀️😘 if they choose πŸ’…πŸ»πŸ‘€ to have one. πŸ‘‘πŸ‘Ήsend to ten πŸ˜¬πŸ™of your closest πŸš±πŸ…ΎοΈWHORES to secure abortion πŸ“«πŸ€rights in ameriCUM πŸ€€πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έif you get five βœ‹ back abortion πŸ˜˜πŸ’‹rights will be codified πŸ‘©β€βš–οΈπŸ€€in law πŸ“ΈπŸ‘ 
May 2022

Emoji Pasta

Politics

Please remove Leifman's mod status

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, it has come to my attention that one of your mods "Leifman" has been abusing his authority as mod and banning people for no good reason. I would appreciate if you took some time out of your schedule to take action and remove his mod status. Thank you!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing