[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Response to someone correcting spelling

whats that? holy shit. holy fucking shit. you fucking genius. did you actually just correct someone's spelling? you fucking madlad. i can't believe i just witnessed one of the greatest achievements in human history right now. i think im gonna cry, im so excited. to be honest, i would suck your dick to reward you for your HUGE contribution to the human race if the line wasnt so long. you know what? fuck it. ill let you fuck my wife. ill pay you to fuck her. only for the slim chance that one of her kids will have a small part of your magnificent iq. ill mortgage my fucking house just so you could have 15 minutes with her, while hoping that your MASSIVE cock won't rip her in half. after that, we should start a religion for you. fuck jesus, the only thing this dick did is resurrect himself. you are entitled to the praise he's getting. we should make you immortal. losing you would mean stopping the human evolution and we would all revert to monkeys, not that we are more than monkeys in your majestic presence. I suggest we go to the UN and tell them to hand over all their authority to you, im sure you can unite all the people of the world just with a single swing of your cock, making the entire population wet in the process. just before that one more thing: can you shut the fuck up? nobody cares about that fucking typo you single chromosomed retarded gnome. I bet you think you are so fucking smart and witty after pointing something that didnt bother anyone. God, you are fucking pretentious, i bet you actually believed all of the text above. Did you think i would let you fuck my wife? She is only 12 you sick paedophile. Im calling the police so you could be tortured for eternity while your remains will be forcibly fed to everybody from your family or anyone even remotely related to you while they are forced to anally fuck a penguin. no, seriously do you think i'm joking? i'll come to your house and fuck your ass with a cactus. not that you would feel it after all the things you already had up there. you're a fucking twat that doesnt contribute to society and you deserve to die slowly.
October 2021

Twitch chat is the reason esports...

twitchquotes: Twitch chat is the reason esports will never be taken seriously. people simply spam unoriginal comments and spout dead memes and it really hinders the experience for spectators and professionals such as myself.
twitch chat
September 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

Privyet, Komrade Toast!

twitchquotes: Privyet, Komrade Toast! Is your cousin Dmitri from Mother Russia! I am of hearing that you make much moneys by playing simplistic chess game for toddlers and whining like little baby in front of thousands of simpletons! BLYAT! You should play game for REAL man like Counterstrike Go! Already I am recruit by man with enormous forehead for professional team Tampon Storm and will be winning many tournaments, yes! Don't be a cyka, you capitalist pig, and stop crying like baby! Love, Dmitri.
twitch chat
July 2019
DisguisedToast

Teamfight Tactics

Creepy Spongebob

โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฑโ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ”ˆโ•ฑโ•ญโ–โ•ฎโ•ญโ”ปโ”ปโ•ฎโ•ญโ”ปโ”ปโ•ฎโ•ญโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ฎโ•ฐโ–โ•ฏโ”ƒโ•ญโ•ฎโ”ƒโ”ƒโ•ญโ•ฎโ”ƒโ•ฐโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ฏโ”ˆโ–โ”ˆโ”—โ”ปโ”ปโ”›โ”—โ”ปโ”ปโ”ปโ•ฎโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ญโ•ฎโ–โ•ฎโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”โ”โ”โ”โ•ฏโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ฐโ•ฏโ–โ•ฏโ•ฐโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ•ฏโ•ญโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ”ˆโ•ญโ–โ•ญโ•ฎโ”ƒโ”—โ”›โ”—โ”›โ”ƒโ”ˆโ•ฐโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ”ˆโ•ฐโ–โ•ฐโ•ฏโ•ฐโ”โ”โ”โ”โ•ฏโ”ˆโ”ˆโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „
December 2019

This endeavor of knowledge 5Head

twitchquotes: 5Head ๐Ÿท Ah yes, I can feel my head throbbing with knowledge and wisdom as I sip upon this Sauvignon blanc. Come chatroom, who will join me in this endeavor of knowledge 5Head ๐Ÿท
twitch chat
September 2019

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing