[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Hello this is Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon

twitchquotes: Hello this is Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazonβ„’. As many of you know, we have recently bought over "Twitch tv". Users must now buy 'Emotes' such as " Kappa ", " Kreygasm " and " FrankerZ ". If users proceed to use these emotes without buying and owning them, we will have to, not only remove the account of the user but also, shut down the stream we have evidence that is has been used in. Thank you, do not copy and paste this. This is business, kid.
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie

Copy whatever that brain dead moron types

twitchquotes: I swear all this chat ever does is pick the one idiot with the lowest IQ and copy whatever that brain dead moron types.
twitch chat
November 2017

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

Twilight Sparkle

β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░▐▄░▓▓▓▓▓▓ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
November 2014

where the vegan sun don't shine

twitchquotes: Hey dirtbag, this is Pogo's father. I hear you trash talking my son and ignoring my wife. I know you got some weird murloc fetish but you better pick my son or I'll get my old high school buddy Tanner and we will shove those carrots where the vegan sun don't shine.
twitch chat
May 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

When Tim Hortons... all becoming Canada

twitchquotes: ο½—ο½ˆο½…ο½Ž tim ο½ˆο½ο½’ο½”ο½ο½Žο½“οΌŒ ο½ο½™γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½Žο½„γ€€ο½ο½•ο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½”ο½‰ο½ƒο½ο½Œο½Œο½™ go to ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½ο½ο½ο½Œο½… ο½‡ο½Œο½zο½…ο½„οΌŽ i dip ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½„ο½ο½•ο½‡ο½ˆο½Žο½•ο½”ο½…ο½’ο½‰ο½Žο½ο½“γ€€ο½ο½Žο½„γ€€ο½†ο½…ο½…ο½Œγ€€ο½‰γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½“ο½…ο½˜γ€€ο½—ο½‰ο½”ο½ˆ ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½ˆο½ο½ƒο½‹ο½…ο½™οΌŒ all ο½‚ο½…ο½ƒο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ ο½ƒο½ο½Žο½ο½„ο½γ€€ο½…ο½ˆ?  sorry
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing