[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
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January 2022

Kripp will never, ever click the button

twitchquotes: Kripp will never, ever click the button. The expansions will release at a faster rate than he can collect dust. Much like the contents of the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, the button is merely a carrot Kripp dangles in front of his viewers without any intention of actually delivering. This is blatantly obvious - he even admits he doesn't bother to calculate because he knows he'll never click it. We will spam this pasta until the button has been clicked.
twitch chat
September 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

BionicBunion

░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄▀▄░░░▀█▄▄▄░░░░░░▒▒░░░░░░▄▄▄ ░░█░░▄▀▀▀▄▄█▒▒▀▀▀▀▄▒▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀░▒█ ░█░░▄▒▀▒▄▄▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▀▒▒▒▒░░░░░▄▀ ░▀▄▒▒▀▀▀▄▒▀▀▀▒▒▄▀▀▀▀▄▒▒▒▒░▒░▄▀ ░▄▄▀▒█▄▄▓▒░░░░▒█▄▄▄▓▄▀▒▒▒▒▒█ ▄▀▒▒░░░░▀▓▓▀░░▒▒░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▒▄ ▓▒░░░░░░▀▄█▄▄▄▄▄▀░░░░░░▒▒▒▓▒▓░▓ ░▀▄▀▀▄▄▄▄▀▓▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▄▀▄▀
November 2014
patashu

What is the most powerful card in Hearthstone?

twitchquotes: What is the most powerful card in Hearthstone? Credit Card.
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

My poop story

twitchquotes: My poop story. I lived in a dookie (pun on purpose) apartment complex in a college town, literally $300 a month, on a river in the south. So a small and always very high maintenance team worked for them. They showed up (stoned) and were changing everyone’s filters. Heard. Ok come in. I had a particularly funky little caesars pizza not an hour before the incident. We were making small talk and such as these things tend to linger, I suddenly felt a disturbance in my lower gut (bubbleguts). I felt confident in my distance from the maintenance guy that I got squeeze out a fart and then distract him into another room. This was no fart. At slightest bit of effort I put towards this fart a flood of terrible pizza diarrhea shot out of my ass like a goddamn rocket. As I was staring this man in the eye. I was staring another human being in the eyes...while I pooed my pants. To this day not only do I have no clue if he knew or not but I would still pay thousands of dollars to just see my face when that happened. That is my poop story.
twitch chat
June 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing