[Copypasta] I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018

Domo Kun

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ–„โ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„ โ–Œโ–’โ–€โ–„โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–’โ– โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ– โ–€โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–€ โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–„โ–€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–„โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–„โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€
ascii art
September 2021

Hello Kripp this is Saul Goodman

twitchquotes: สœแด‡สŸสŸแด แด‹ส€ษชแด˜แด˜ แด›สœษชs ษชs sแด€แดœสŸ ษขแดแดแด…แดแด€ษด. ษช'แด แด‡ ส™แด‡แด‡ษด ษชษดา“แดส€แดแด‡แด… ส™ส แด‡แด…แด…ส แด˜แด€sแด›แด‡ส€ษชษดแด แด›สœแด€แด› สแดแดœ แด€ส€แด‡ sแด›ส€แด‡แด€แดษชษดษข ษชสŸสŸแด‡ษขแด€สŸ แด„แดษดแด›แด‡ษดแด› า“ส€แดแด สแดแดœส€ sแด‡แด„ส€แด‡แด› ส™แด€sแด‡แดแด‡ษดแด› ษชษด ษขส€แด‡แด‡แด„แด‡. ษช แดกแดแดœสŸแด… สŸษชแด‹แด‡ แด›แด สœแด€แด แด‡ สแดแดœ แด€s แดส แด„สŸษชแด‡ษดแด› แด›แด แด˜ส€แดแด›แด‡แด„แด› สแดแดœ ษชษด แด„แดแดœส€แด› า“ส€แดแด แด›สœแดsแด‡ า“ษชสŸแด›สœส แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€s แด€ษดแด… แด˜ส€แดsแด›แด‡ส€ษชษดแดs แด›สœแด€แด› สœแด€แด แด‡ แด€แด„แด„แดœsแด‡แด… สแดแดœ.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

I am not a simp.

twitchquotes: And I want to say this to the kings in the audience. Iโ€™ve made my mistakes in my chase for coochie. But in all of my years of chad life, I have never simpedโ€“ never simped for a girl. Iโ€™ve earned every bit of cooch. And in all of my years of chad life, I have never paid for the meal. Because people have got to know whether or not Iโ€™m a simp. Well, Iโ€™m not a simp. Iโ€™ve never simped for any girl Iโ€™ve got. I am not a simp.
twitch chat
July 2020

Simps

Trollge face v2

โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃ โ žโ ‰โข‰โ ฉโขโก™โ ›โ ‹โฃ‰โ ‰โ โข‰โฃ‰โฃ‰โฃ‰โ ฉโข‰โ ‰โ ›โ ฒโฃ„โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โกดโ โ €โ ‚โก โ ‘โ €โ €โ €โ ‚โ €โ €โ €โ €โ  โ €โ €โ โ โขŠโ €โ „โ ˆโขฆโ €โ €โ € โ €โฃ โกพโ โ €โ €โ „โฃดโกชโ ฝโฃฟโก“โขฆโ €โ €โก€โ €โฃ โข–โฃปโฃฟโฃ’โฃฆโ €โก€โข€โฃˆโขฆโก€โ € โฃฐโ ‘โขฐโ ‹โขฉโก™โ ’โ ฆโ –โ ‹โ €โ ˆโ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโ ‰โ €โ ˜โ ฆโ คโ ดโ ’โกŸโ ฒโกŒโ ›โฃ† โขนโกฐโกธโ ˆโขปโฃˆโ “โกฆโขคโฃ€โก€โขพโ ฉโ คโ €โ €โ คโ Œโกณโ โฃ’โฃ โฃคโ –โข‹โกŸโ ’โกโก„โกŸ โ €โ ™โข†โ €โ €โ ปโก™โกฟโขฆโฃ„โฃนโ ™โ ’โขฒโ ฆโ ดโก–โ ’โ šโฃโฃโฃคโฃพโขšโกโ โ €โฃจโ žโ € โ €โ €โ ˆโขงโ €โ €โ ™โขงโก€โ ˆโกŸโ ›โ ทโกพโฃถโฃพโฃทโ พโ ›โขปโ ‰โข€โกฝโ ‹โ €โ €โฃฐโ ƒโ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‘โขคโก โข‚โ Œโก›โ ฆโ คโฃ„โฃ‡โฃ€โฃ€โฃธโฃ€โกคโ ผโ šโก‰โข„โ  โฃ โ žโ โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โ “โ ฎโฃ”โกโ ฆโ €โฃคโ คโ คโฃคโ „โ ฐโ Œโฃ‚โกฌโ –โ ‹โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โ ’โ คโขคโฃ€โฃ€โกคโ ดโ ’โ ‰โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €
ascii art
July 2021
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