[Copypasta] I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

For the blind, it is light

twitchquotes: Who is [streamer name]? πŸ€” For the blind, πŸ¦‡ it is light. πŸ’‘ For the hungry 😣 , it is bread. 🍞 For the sick, πŸ’‰ it is the cure. βš•οΈ For the sad 😒 , it is joy. πŸ˜‚ For the poor πŸš«πŸ’° , it is the treasure; πŸ’° ⛏️ for the debtor βž– πŸ’° , it is forgiveness. πŸ™ For the face 😢 , it is the lips πŸ‘„
twitch chat
October 2021

Hey Aura, thanks for telling me about Energizer batteries

twitchquotes: Hey Aura, thanks for telling me about Energizer batteries. Before Energizer I would be listening to my walkman and the battery would die and then I could hear my wife in the other room having sex with you. That would lead me to tears. Now using Energizer the battery doesn't die as quickly and I can listen to your VODs that I ripped without your permission on repeat and not notice her taking it hard. I don't need to rehydrate as often since I won't be crying. Thank you
twitch chat
July 2020
Aurateur

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes

twitchquotes: Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

My BODY is machine that turns diary products into spicy liquid diarrhea

My πŸ€Έβ€β™‚οΈBODYπŸ‹οΈβ€β™€οΈ is a πŸš‚πŒπ€π‚π‡πˆππ„πŸš‚ that turns πŸ„π’Ήπ’Άπ’Ύπ“‡π“Ž π“…π“‡π‘œπ’Ήπ“Šπ’Έπ“‰π“ˆπŸ₯› into ➑ πŸ”₯β“ˆβ“…β’Ύβ’Έβ“ŽπŸ”₯ πŸ³π“π’Ύπ“†π“Šπ’Ύπ’ΉπŸ’¦ πŸ’©πŸ’©π”»π•€π”Έβ„β„β„π”Όπ”ΈπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ
March 2021

Emoji Pasta

CEO of Campbells Tomato Paste

twitchquotes: (β–€ΜΏ ΜΏΔΉΜ―β–€ΜΏ ΜΏ) Hello Kripp i am CEO of Campbells Tomato Paste. This stream is now under my control i bought all rights to paste and pastarino products if anyone copy and pastes again i will sue you so dont copy and paste (β–€ΜΏ ΜΏΔΉΜ―β–€ΜΏ ΜΏ)
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing