[Copypasta] I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020
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More Copypastas

I hate you

Mark, let me tell you something. Pay close attention to the text that I am about to write. An average human body has about 38 trillion cells. In each of these cells there is a spiral helix of DNA that, if stretched to its maximum, is about two meters long. DNA is one of the densest stores of information on the planet: a single gram of DNA stores about 700 terabytes of information. If we stretched out the 76 trillion meters of DNA in my body and recorded, character by character, the word "Hate" over and over and over again, this pile of information could not store the tiniest fraction of a trillionth of the hatred that I feel for you right now. Every drop of blood in my body cries out for your death. My very soul writhes in disgust. Your mere existence is a blasphemy and an affront to every possible virtue and quality that any rational being can possess. You are a deception to Satan himself.
August 2021

People space jammed from the oldest of times

twitchquotes: From the oldest of times, people jammed for a number of reasons. They jammed in prayer... or so that their crops would be plentiful... or so their hunt would be good. And they Jammed to stay physically fit... and show their community spirit. And they Jammed to celebrate." And that is the Jamming we're talking about. Aren't we told in Psalm 149 "Praise ye the Lord Octavian. Slam Jam unto the Lord Octavian a new song. Let them praise His name in the Space Jam"? And it was King David - King David, who we read about in Samuel - and what did David do? What did David do? He jammed
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

I'm shaking. I'm fucking shaking (Nolan Grayson)

I'm shaking. I'm fucking shaking. I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Nolan Grayson. That perfect, shredded body. The perfectly trimmed mustache. The planet conquering skills of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never mate with him, have him pass his genes through me, and have me birth a set of perfect offspring. I'd do fucking ANYTHING for the chance for Nolan Grayson to get me pregnant. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fucking bear. Why would Robert Kirkman create something so perfect? To fucking tantalize us? Fucking laugh in our faces?! Honestly, I just fucking can't anymore. Fuck.
June 2021

im dropping my uwus all over the place

twitchquotes: ᵘʷᵘ oh frick ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ frick sorry guys ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ sorry im dropping ᵘʷᵘ my uwus all over the ᵘʷᵘ place ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ sorry
twitch chat
July 2019

Weebs

ATTENTION 2003 KIDS

twitchquotes: ❗️❗️❗️ATTENTION 2003 KIDS❗️❗️❗️!!! This 👇 is the last year of being a kid 😔👦👧! Because NEXT 👉YEAR! We gon be T33N4G3RS💁🙅💅!! PARTYING 🎉💃 DRINKING 🍻🍸🍹🍷 MAKING OUT AND SEX 👅💦😳 PERIODS 😩🍫 HEARTBREAKS 💔😪 MIDDLE SCHOOL SOPHOMORES (7TH GRADE)
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp
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