Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas
Keep it, you need it more with all that salt
twitchquotes:
`So today i was in the supermarket going to buy some cheese for the next week before the stores close, got 8 packages of finest Dutch. When i was waiting in line to pay for it a gentleman in front of me collapsed, his wife looked at us and said "He has Hypoglycemia, someone please bring something that contains sugar!!". I immediately ran to the sweets section, after only 1 minute of choosing since i was in a hurry, i went with ice-cream snickers bar and ran back to the register, with my trembling hands i got rid of the plastic cover, i leaned to the old gentleman, when he turned to me: "I know you..." he said "you are that guy from Twitch... Keep it, you need it more with all that salt..." -Forsen 2015
twitch chat
Forsen
Value Town was within reach
twitchquotes:
Trump couldn’t wait. Value Town was within reach and he moaned, hard, “Tuck Frump!” He was fidgety, yet Kripparrian stripped away his juvenile briefs. “He has the perfect cards…” Kripp thought in his head, “An absolutely ridiculous deck.” Cattarrian stared casually as Kripp bounced his Ragnaros off of Trump’s plump rump.
twitch chat
Trump
Hearthstone
Let Papparrian have his son back!
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripp, Papparian here. You have been doing this game thing for awhile now. And its going to lose its entertainmentarino. My idea is a Papparian Kripparian father son baking show. We cook food from our home world where we Gypsies originally came from. How about it son? Let Papparian have his son back!....
twitch chat
Kripp
For people that use "XD"
twitchquotes:
But the real question is, when this musing entered your mind, did you really make such a face? Was it so funny that your face contorted into a gaping wide-mouthed smile as your eyes aggressively squinted shut? Did you truly "ex dee"? Were you able to see your screen as you typed with your eyes held steadfast as though they were steel vice grips clamping with hundreds of pounds of force?
twitch chat
STOP with your copy pasta SPAM
twitchquotes:
STOP with your copy pasta SPAM. You are destroying not ONLY my chat EXPERIENCE, but everyones chat EXPERIENCE. If you PLEBS don't stop IMMEDIATELY, then I will have to call the CYBER police. Do NOT copy and paste this.
twitch chat
imaqtpie