[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Doraemon

โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โข€โฃ โฃคโฃดโฃถโฃถโฃถโฃถโฃถโ ถโฃถโฃคโฃคโฃ€โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โข€โฃคโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโ โ €โข€โ ˆโขฟโข€โฃ€โ €โ นโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฆโฃ„โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃดโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโ ฟโ €โ €โฃŸโก‡โข˜โฃพโฃฝโ €โ €โกโ ‰โ ™โข›โฃฟโฃทโก–โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃพโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโ ฟโ ทโ ถโ คโ ™โ ’โ €โ ’โขปโฃฟโฃฟโกทโ ‹โ €โ ดโ žโ ‹โ โข™โฃฟโฃ„ โ €โ €โ €โ €โขธโฃฟโฃฟโฃฏโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโก„โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โขนโก„โ €โ €โ €โ ›โ ›โ ‹โ ‰โ นโก‡ โ €โ €โ €โ €โขธโฃฟโฃฟโ €โ €โ €โฃ€โฃ โฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃผโฃ‡โฃ€โฃ€โฃ€โฃ›โฃ›โฃ’โฃฒโขพโกท โข€โ คโ ’โ ’โขผโฃฟโฃฟโ ถโ žโขปโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโ โ €โฃผโ ƒ โขฎโ €โ €โ €โ €โฃฟโฃฟโฃ†โ €โ €โ ปโฃฟโกฟโ ›โ ‰โ ‰โ โ €โ ‰โ ‰โ ›โ ฟโฃฟโฃฟโ Ÿโ โ €โฃผโ ƒโ € โ ˆโ “โ ถโฃถโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃงโก€โ €โ ˆโ ’โขคโฃ€โฃ€โก€โ €โ €โฃ€โฃ€โก โ šโ โ €โข€โกผโ ƒโ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโขฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃทโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃญโฃญโฃญโฃญโฃญโฃฅโฃคโฃคโฃคโฃดโฃŸโ 
ascii art
July 2019

what is a fortnight?

twitchquotes: Hello Iโ€™m Jeff a father of a 12 year old boy one day my son asked me to get a free game called fortnight at first I was ok with me but his intelligence started to slowly disappear after two months and now he is calling me a default and doing satanic movements around the house please send help
twitch chat
December 2019

Fortnite

Watching Thijs in the bathroom

twitchquotes: Ahhh, my favorite part of the day. After lunch, a take a break from work, lock myself in the office bathroom pretending to take a dump while I watch my favorite streamer, Thijs. Just hope my boss doesn't come knocking, otherwise I'm fired...
twitch chat
September 2020
Thijs

Hey Arnold!

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘ โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆ โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
September 2021

I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
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