[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
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More Copypastas

G2, aka “Gold 2”

twitchquotes: G2, aka “Gold 2”, named after their players average skill level. They are currently the best team in EU and are best known for their inting midlaner, CRAPS, and their inability to defeat PVB, Vietnam’s worst team.
twitch chat
September 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

jerma got so angry at the one guy in chat

One day jerma got so angry at the one guy in chat who was being mean and spamming residentsleeper, he quite literally stuck his hands into his screen and yanked really hard. Out came this 5'9 brown haired highschooler who instantly began begging for his life. However, jerma growled really loud and started chanting the lyrics to "I'm a Walrus" by the beatles. The mods, the chat, no one could stop what happened next. Chat was spamming PauseChamp. Then Jerma just grabbed the poor highschooler by his neck and lifted him off the floor and began to spin him really fast.. His guts came flying out with the sheer force that jerma used to spin him. The camera was stained with blood and chat was all spamming monkaW and "LULW typical One guy moment". After a couple of moments jerma wiped the red marking from the camera and sat back down as if nothing happened. The weirdest part was that he started talking about soy milk and how he wasn't a sponsor with any soy milk company. He seemed quite annoyed that he wasnt a sponsor but continued to elaborate on how much he loved soy milk, but only that one specific brand of soy milk. I'm telling you, the one guy residentsleeper spammers are annoying as hell. EDIT: Unfortunately that segment of the VOD was deleted due to DMCA issues with Jerma singing The Beatles.
July 2022
Jerma985

Kripp's history

twitchquotes: Paparrian was born in Germany, the youngest of the five children (three of whom survived) of Hanz Hector Paparrian, from a noble family of the province of Freiberg. In 1932, he began his medical career in Theodor Meynert's psychiatric clinic at the Trollstein General Hospital. The same year, he married Mamarrian, the granddaughter of Isaac Bernays, a chief rabbi in Hamburg. In the summer of 1935, the couple had a beautiful and gifted child: Kripp. On 15 September 1935, Hitler presented two laws who deprived so-called "non-Aryans" of the benefits of German citizenship. The young parents, extremely afraid for the future of their beautiful child, where confronted to a question that would forever change the fate of the world: was Krip Aryan?
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

amongX

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣥⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣶⣾⣬⣙⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢥⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣾⣏⣀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣉⣹⣿⠄⢡⣙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢸⣿⢋⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⠙⣿⠄⢸⣿⣧⠽⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⣿⣿⣧⣻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⠼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⡿⠋⢼⣿⣿⠾⠛⠛⠁⠈⠁⡓⠛⢿⣿⣿⡟⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣇⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⠧⣿⣿⣇⠄⢛⣻⣿⣿⠶⠒⠓⠒⢒⠓⠄⠸⣿⣿⡇⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⢛⣿⣿⣷⣦⣿⡿⣿⡇⠘⠛⠛⢿⣿⢿⣸ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⡾⠿⠿⠿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠⣬⣭⣤⣼⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⠟⠟⠿⠏⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠃⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡯⠘⡍⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2021
xQcOW

Among Us / Amogus

Complexities behind classical music

twitchquotes: Chat doesnt understand the complexities behind classical music. While most of chat spends their days spamming "Kappas" and such, I study music theory and the works of Bach and Mozart. Musical masterpieces such as these are not easy for the average person to comprehend, and certainly above those that chat.
twitch chat
July 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

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