Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas
Reynad is the math teacher and I am a sexy lifeguard boy
twitch chat
Reynad
She sells seashells on a seashore, but the value of these shells will fall
She sells seashells on a seashore
But the value of these shells will fall
Due to the laws of supply and demand
No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand
Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity
Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see
Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high
until they're rarer than a diamond
Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em
Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em
Hit 'em like Bronson
Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man
Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly
""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy
Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality
Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand
Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well!
Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock
Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States
Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate
Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game
It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name
Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore
And you sell seashells on the seashore.
Please play AD Sion
twitchquotes:
ᴍɪsᴛᴇʀ sᴀɴᴛᴀɴᴀ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴘᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴀᴅʙʟᴏᴄᴋ ғɪᴠᴇ ᴅᴏʟʟᴀʀs ᴀ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜ ɪɴ ᴠᴏʟᴜɴᴛᴀʀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀɪʙᴜᴛɪᴏɴs ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴏᴛ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴀᴅ sɪᴏɴ. ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴇᴛ's sᴇᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴏᴅ sʜɪᴛ ᴏʀ ᴇʟsᴇ ɪ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇ ʙᴜᴛᴛᴏɴ.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
We blizzard care much about the player experience
twitchquotes:
We blizzard care much about the player experience. For this reason, we're changing the card Ultimate Infestation as follows: Deal 5 damage, gain 5 armor, summon 3 JADE GOLEMS, Add 5 Jade Idol to your hand. I'm Ben Brode, hope you still like my raps!
twitch chat
Hearthstone
what's the point in correcting me
what the fuck is the point in correcting me. You think I don't know how to spell "your"? I shortened it to "ur" because I was eating chips and typing one handed and didn't want to bother with those 2 extra letters just to please a fucking lifeless fat neckbeard like you.
Stop thinking you're smart just because you can correct somebody's spelling, you seem like a total fucking idiot jackass and I'm ashamed and disappointed that on the internet where there are millions of comments and commentors, I was still stuck with a response written by somebody like you.
You obviously knew what I meant, it's not like I spelt "your" as "s;ldkfjs;dlfkj". Take your fucking dildo keyboard out your crusty ass and realize that maybe you have no friends and plans tonight because you're an unlikeable cumstain who repels everybody away like opposite poles on a magnet.
The next time you comment like a fucking moron, ask yourself "would I rather write this useless comment or would I rather clean my fucking act up and stop being a little shitter". My New Years resolution is to never have the misfortune of you coming across any more of my comments and throwing up your shitty insight at me.