Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 7)
After we threw Liam out the window, I decided to call another emergency meeting. βChad sus!1!1!!1 Heβs the SUSSY VERY IMPOSTER!β I said. They all asked why Chad was sus. I said it was because his name is Chad. They all agreed so we ejected him. I was naruto running around the office when Adam stopped me and said βWhy are you running?β OH MY FUCK DID HE JUST SAY THE FUNNY UGANDAN MEME? SPIT ON HIM BROTHERS. I spit on Adam and I pulled down my pants and pissed on him. He ran away screaming and everybody looked at me. I pulled my pants up.β Adam sus. Heβs screaming.β Everyone nodded and we ejected Adam. My son came out of the elevator even though it was take your kid to work day and he was supposed to be on the bottom floor, not up here on the 3rd floor! So I said βSon, what the fuck nugget wholesome keanu reeves are you doing here?β He closed the elevator door and I think he went to the first floor. I tried pissing on the elevator door in hopes that it would malfunction it but I donβt think it worked. That stupid little bastard. So I got in the elevator when it came back up and went to the first floor. I looked around but couldnβt find him. I pulled one of the kids up by her shirt and said βWHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD?β She was screaming and I threw her away. I stomped down the hallways trying to look for him but I couldnβt find him. βThis is not a fortnite minecraft roblox 100 wholesome keanu reeves chungus Amogus moment. Thatβs pretty sus.β All the coworkers were looking at me in terror.
I went out back and searched in the dumpster to see if I could yet again try to find a weapon to kill all the people there. I already got rid of Chad, Adam and Liam so everyone else could easily be disposed of.
Among Us / Amogus
Trolling with Among Us
Torture dance 1
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JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Torture Dance
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military
Ok. Listen up bud. Youβre a kid, and youβre getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it werenβt for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So donβt get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, youβre going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign Iβm tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. Youβve been warned.
