[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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On imaqtpie playing Outlast...

twitchquotes: WOULD LUCIAN BE THIS BIG OF A BITCH WHEN HE IS TRYING TO SAVE SENNAS SOUL FROM THRESH
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August 2014
imaqtpie

Hey Kripp! I want to tell you a secret

twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

i have not been gifted a single sub

twitchquotes: Hey streamer, i just wanted to express my disappointment in your community with this message. I have been a active viewer for the past couple of years and despite my constant effort i have not been gifted a single sub by your community. You should really be ashamed.
twitch chat
February 2020

If, according to Kanye West

If, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and if, according to Lil Wayne, bitches come a dime a dozen, does that mean one good girl is worth $8.33? Well, $8.35 in Canada. In Thailand, $8.33 is about 275 Baht. 275 Baht will get you a skanky one in a Thai brothel. If you want a really good hooker, it'll cost you at least 2000 Baht, or about $61.00. So in Thailand a good woman is worth $61.00 or $732 a dozen. Yes. However to further this, according to 2Pac Mo' Money= Mo' Bitches If you divide out Mo', you will see that money=bitches Therefore, 1000 moneys= one good girl. To extrapolate further, diving with respect to "money" yields 1 money = $0.00833 This changes everything, because money isn't worth hardly anything. True. A linear relationship between money and bitches means the equation relating money to them is in the form of y=ax+b, where x is money and y is bitches. Consulting the Lil Wayne theorem, if 12 bitches are worth $0.10, then one is $0.0083. Therefore we know that the equation 1=a(.0083)+b must hold true and so must 12=a(.1)+b. To find the equation relating money to bitches must have "a" and "b" values which satisfy the two previous equations. Since "Mo'" implies a positive linear relation, we know "a" must be positive. I have done the math for you and found that a=119.96 and b=.0043. So, (Bitches)=119.96(Money) + .0043. To find the number of good girls you get from an amount of money, simply divide the number of bitches by 1000 (because of the Kanye West Theorem). No but biggie said mo' money= mo' problems so money=problems and since mo' money mo' bitches, we can see that bitches=problems Well one must first consult the "50 Cent Law": "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems". Here we see that the amount of money is proportionate to the number of problems. Then one must factor one of the basic rules of the "The Carter Theorem" : "I got 99 problem but a bitch ain't one". Here we see that without a "bitch" the average person will have exactly 99 problems. Therefore the formula must be applied: (current amount of money) (8.33) / ln[(Problems100-1 ) (current amount of money)]bitches = worth of bitch Unfortunately this formula only tells us the value "a bitch" which as we know is only worth one monies Therefore you must apply [(worth of said prostitute) (problems) * (money-8.33)] + 1 / 1000 = The value of a good girl. Hope this helps. Yeah. No. That's not how math works. 2pac was merely stating that the derivative of Money in terms of Bitches is strictly positive. More-over, he skipped a lot of steps in his proof and never formally published the full version. I bet you believed Fermat's margins really were too small as well, right? Imperial bitches is actually a unit of weight. An imperial one is ~111.1111111112 pounds (Also known as a feminist) Theres one fundamental law of math that Lil'Wayne forgot to include in his calculations. We have to follow the law of "bitches ain't shit" theorized by doctor dre himself. With that principal included we can work out that if bitches aint shit, and a good girl is worth 1,000 bitches, a good girl is still not worth shit. You're forgetting that Jay-Z published his paper on the "Money Ain't A Thang" theory. Therefore if bitches aren't worth shit then bitches aren't money and so therefore they ARE, in fact, a "Thang". Is that the transitive property of bitches? Is it possible that for every bitch, there is an equal and opposite good girl? That doesn't make sense though because kanye said a good girl is worth one thousand bitches. The economics don't make sense. Newton or kanye is wrong. They cannot both apply their laws to bitches I think the important part here is, are we assuming that there is 1 good girl for every 1000 bitches. This is a very scary thought. 1/1000 females is a good girl and the other 999 are bitches. To me this would make my $8.33 a very good investment. I paid at least $3000 for my wife's wedding ring. Could I have bought 360 good girls in stead of 1 good girl? B/c I can't help but feel like I have overpaid for my good girl according to the genius of Kanye West and Little Weezy F. Baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my good girl wife, but I feel duped knowing she may have only been worth 8 bucks instead of 3000 It actually depends on they type of women. If it is a bakers daughter it is less since the sample size is actually larger I.E. a bakers dozen (13) so: (.10/13)x1000=$7.69 ...0r $9.69 Canadian (not counting the maple syrup) How much candy you can buy for $8.33? We can conclude that 1 bitch is worth approximately 0.83c, but since bitches are of negative value it's actually -0.83c. This means that in order to get the correct positive value of a good girl there needs to be an exponential factor involved here. In order to evaluate the amount of good girls needed to offset the bitches you use the simple formula -0.0083B2 = G. This intuitively makes sense when you think about how the more bitches you have around you the exponentially higher value even a single good girl has. So when B=1000 we get: G = -0.0083(1000)2 = $68.89 Interestingly enough, if the entire female population of the US, let's say 150 million for simplicity, were bitches, the worth of one good girl would then be $1,550,025,000,000 which is just over the total USD currently in circulation.
March 2022

You've seen Miku on stage, but what about your wrist?

Youโ€™ve ๐Ÿ“ก๐Ÿ‘จ seen ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘ค๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿป Miku on ๐Ÿ”› stage, 4๏ธโƒฃ๐Ÿ’– but ๐Ÿ˜  what ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ about ๐Ÿฅด your ๐Ÿ‘‰ wrist? โŒš๐Ÿ’ฏ Wrist โŒš๐Ÿ’ฏ World ๐ŸŒ is an AR game ๐ŸŽฏ using ๐Ÿ˜ wristbands, now ๐Ÿซ‚ featuring Hatsune Miku! Collect songs, dances, and even โœ‹ save ๐ŸฆŽ the world! ๐ŸŒ Do ๐Ÿ‘€ You ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘ฆ Wrist โŒš๐Ÿ’ฏ World? ๐ŸŒŽ wrist โŒš๐Ÿ’ฏ world ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ
June 2021

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