Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
Do I have to subscribe to see the stream in color?
twitchquotes:
Do I have to subscribe to see the stream in color? 
twitch chat
imaqtpie
League of Legends
I hate April Fool's Day
Iβm fucking shaking and crying right now yβall, and people arenβt taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISNβT FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. Iβve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, theyβd be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as Iβm BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. Iβm allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because ITβS SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. Iβve had enough
SIMP
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Simps
When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm
When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm, you're not going any old place. You're coming to the underground fight club of intellect. Prepare to be mentally battered. But don't worry, after you've spent your newbie time being cognitively pummeled, you'll have joined the ranks of the mental elite.
Then you'll see the world for what it truly is. All those people going around without a thought in their head. You'll hate it. You'll become just like him. And you'll start loving it. The power of intelligence, of absolute intellectual superiority. It'll become a high you chase, constantly learning and experimenting.
You'll finally be a Rick.
Rick and Morty
Just kidding, it's still Tanner
twitchquotes:
H-hey Octavian, do you remember me from Biology? Freshman year? It's Laura. I just wanted to stop by since you missed the last reunion, I was looking for you. I always thought you were really smart and talented, but I could never work up the nerve to tell you. Anyway, I hope you're doing well...HAHA Just kidding, it's still Tanner you fucking gullible idiot lmfao. Anyway, the gym awaits, see ya man good talk.
twitch chat
Kripp