[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

My mobile phone gets hot if you spam

twitchquotes: pls don't spam. i'm watching on my mobile phone and it gets very hot if you spam so my hands get burned. if you don't want my hands to get burned stop spamming pls
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

Twitch Chat Examination Team

twitchquotes: Hello this is the Twitch Chat Examination Team here with anther experiment. We are testing how quickly a message typed into chat is copied and pasted by the mindless hordes. Please, if you're reading this, spread awareness for our cause.
twitch chat
March 2015
imaqtpie

forsenDDK

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢿⣿⡿⢿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡻⢹⣯⣔⢄⠦⠄⡐⠰⠈⡭⠾⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣳⡟⢟⣛⠵⠁⠂⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠊⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠸⠇⠄⠘⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡤⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣢⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣈⣀⠄⠄⠄⣰⡠⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣾⡟⠿⡿⠟⡌⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⠿⠿⠿⠷⠄⠄⢘⡆⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⠇⠄⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠓⢦⣺⡟⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣦⠄⢀⡈⠛⢹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡶⠾⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⠄⠂⠄⠈⠂⠄⠁⠄⡀⢂⣶⣾⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

I'M SO STUPID I'M GONNA SHIT

twitchquotes: YOU SHOULD OF LEROYED OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING STUPID I'M GONNA SHIT
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Did you ever hear the tragedy of xQc?

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of xQc? I thought not. It's not a story the OWL casters would tell you. It's a tank legend. xQc was a tank main, so powerful and so wise he could use his shield to influence the DPS to do their jobs.. He had such a knowledge of the shields that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The tank mains of the game is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was getting banned for toxicity, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice reported him to blizzard in his sleep. It's ironic he could save others from death, but not himself.
twitch chat
May 2019
xQcOW

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

Overwatch

Text-to-Speech Playing