Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad?
What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the brogres, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on your anus, and have ogre 300 confirmed layers. I am trained in making early 2000's pop cultural references, and am the top ogre in the entire far far away armed forces. You are nothing to me but another Drek. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which have never been seen in Dreamworks, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that dreck to me over the swamp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of fairy tale creatures across Far Far Away and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Farquaad. The storm that will end your fucking life. It's fucking ogre, Donkey. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare asscheeks. Not only am I shrextensively trained in onionade combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Fairy Godmothers Factory and I will use it to its full shrextent to wipe your miserable little ass of of the face of meh swamp, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Rumpelstiltskin. I will slay abuse all ogre you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Pinocchio.
Shrek
Navy Seal
WutFace crazy arms
twitchquotes:
╲⎝⧹╲⎝⧹ 
⧸⎠╱⧸⎠╱
⧸⎠╱⧸⎠╱
twitch chat
FitnessGram Pacer Test
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Classic
Burger King tweet thread: women belong in the kitchen tweet
Women belong in the kitchen. If they want to, of course. Yet only 20% of chefs are women. We're on a mission to change the gender ratio in the restaurant industry by empowering female employees with the opportunity to pursue a culinary career. #IWD - We are proud to be launching a new scholarship programme which will help female Burger King employees pursue their culinary dreams!
EGGYAYA
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣬⡙⢿⣿⣿⣦⢻⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡙⣿⣿⣦⢻⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⢻⡿⢋⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⢿⣿⡎⣿
⣿⢻⣿⡇⠘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠁⣾⣷⣶⣮⣭⡙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠙⣿⢸
⣿⡌⢿⣿⡘⣷⣮⣍⡛⠿⣿⠋⣠⣦⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣭⣙⠻⣿⡜⣌⠂
⡟⣰⡘⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿⣿⡷⠂⢀⣭⡙⠓⠈⠛⠛⣋⣩⣴⣶⣶⣶⡆⣥⣴⣅⡉⣰
⢱⣿⣷⡜⢿⣆⢻⣿⠋⣠⡾⠋⡉⣀⢞⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣍⠣⠄⣈⠹⣦⣭⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⡇⣙
⡿⠛⠋⣉⣉⡙⢱⣿⣾⣿⡎⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿⡐⣿
⢶⣾⢹⣄⡠⣸⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡇⢏
⣧⢻⣷⣶⣿⣿⣇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣼⣿⠿⢟⣫⣥⠶⢊⡁⣼⣧⢸⣿⣿⡇⣿
⠠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡘⠿⠟⣛⣥⡾⢟⣫⣴⣿⠟⢋⣠⣴⣿⢀⣿⣿⡸⣿⣿⡇⠙
⠄⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⣋⣴⡿⠛⣉⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⣇⢻⣿⡇⠄
⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣟⠫⠤⠚⢛⠛⣛⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⣧⢀
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣷⣬⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢸⣿⠄
Mizkif