[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Minecraft creeper head v2

โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โฌ›โฌ›โœ…โœ…โœ… โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…โœ…
August 2021

Minecraft

Alone in his heart, Reynard commits saltdoku

twitchquotes: "Tides my player," say the Reynardino, "you are my slaverrino, why don't you make videos?" But the Tides don't respond. He elopes to C9 and runs his hand through his unshaven face scruff and say "Well met!" to the twisted Kolento. Alone in his heart, Reynard commits saltdoku at a Saltbucks in San Bernardino with Al Pacino, no cappucino.
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

My son, why did you tap last?

twitchquotes: In Romanian village there is very little water. Papparian is thirsty and asks Kripparian to get some water for him from the water tap 2 miles away. Kripp decides to go to the store first. A few hours later Kripp brings Papparian his water, only to find Papparian has had a heat stroke. With his dying breath, Papparian asks "My son, why did you tap last?"
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

I want a man who is a cunning linguist

twitchquotes: "Are you sure you've ever pleasured a woman before, poppet?" Mother asked with a snear, unamused by the clumsy performance of a rapper who couldn't use his tongue. "I'm doing my best, yo!" he replied, muffled between Mother's thighs. "You talk a big game, Mr. Dab, but you are proving to be quite a disappointment." The tattoo-faced man lifted his head aghast, his voice raising in pitch, "I got you a limo, yo, what else do you want?" Mother chuckled, "I want a man who is a cunning linguist"
twitch chat
May 2019
MOONMOON

That seals the deal. I am no longer a US citizen

twitchquotes: That seals the deal. I am no longer a US citizen. I have been a citizen since 1776 and a voter since 1804. I will not be voting again nor will I be around to see this country fall apart. Iโ€™m taking my talents to Somalia where it looks like they know how to run a real country.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

Text-to-Speech Playing