[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Let's. Make. Some. Pasta.

twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Things escalated from there

twitchquotes: I lost my virginity while listening to this song 5 years ago, it's a funny story really.. i had just finished my gym workout and i was in the locker room all sweaty, and in walks this leather dressed jabroni.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. i told him he might have gotten the wrong door, then he got very rude and said "fuck you", then i said "nah fuck you leatherman" and then things escalated from there
twitch chat
July 2018

Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v3

It’s the end of May the Fourth 4️⃣ 🌌😫 but that means the beginning of 🎸👨🏾🌵CincHOE de Mayo 🎸👨🏾🌵 get ready to get your TACO eaten 👅💦🌮 and gulp Papi's BURRITO 😩🌯💦 send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your main 💅🏾PUTAS 💅🏾who need to be stuffed by a CHORIZO 🌭💦 if you get 5️⃣ back you're a border hopping 💁🏽CHOLA 💁🏽If you get 1️⃣0️⃣ back you're a 💚 Green card HOE💚 If you get 1️⃣5️⃣ back you're the💃🏽Telenovela main BITCH 💃🏽 If you get 0️⃣ back you're getting deported by Trump! 🇲🇽😫🚧🇺🇸 Have a happy CincHOE de Mayo and don't let la Migra get you!!
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022

Kripp saved my marriage

twitchquotes: I was going through a rough time in my marriage where nothing seemed to arouse me anymore. Things had gone stale between me and my wife in bed and divorce seemed inevitable. But then I discovered Kripp's stream and everything changed. There's just something about that vegan bald head that does something to me, and before I knew it my libido was back. I now go at it with my wife at the sounds of "Fuck!" and "Topdeck Flamestrike!" to boost my vigor. Thank you Kripp for saving my marriage.
twitch chat
November 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing