[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
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monkaS

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⢛⡛⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⢱⡔⡝⣜⣜⢜⢜⡲⡬⡉⢕⢆⢏⢎⢇⢇⣧⡉⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⡱⣸⠸⢝⢅⢆⢖⣜⣲⣵⣴⣱⣈⡣⣋⢣⠭⣢⣒⣬⣕⣄⣝⡻⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⡜⣎⢎⢇⢇⣵⣷⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠉⠛⢿⣦⢵⣷⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠋⠓⢲⡝⣿ ⢏⢰⢱⣞⢜⢵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣻⣿⣿⣿⠡⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣺ ⢕⢜⢕⢕⢵⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠸⠗⣀⠄⠄⣼⣻⣿⣿⣿⡀⢾⠆⣀⠄⠄⣰⢳ ⡕⣝⢜⡕⣕⢝⣜⢙⢿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣥⣤⣾⢟⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣉⣤⡴⢫⣾ ⡪⡪⣪⢪⢎⢮⢪⡪⡲⢬⢩⢩⢩⠩⢍⡪⢔⢆⢏⡒⠮⠭⡙⡙⠭⢝⣨⣶⣿⣿ ⡪⡪⡎⡮⡪⡎⡮⡪⣪⢣⢳⢱⢪⢝⢜⢜⢕⢝⢜⢎⢧⢸⢱⡹⡍⡆⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⡪⡺⡸⡪⡺⣸⠪⠚⡘⠊⠓⠕⢧⢳⢹⡸⣱⢹⡸⡱⡱⡕⡵⡱⡕⣝⠜⢿⣿⣿ ⡪⡺⡸⡪⡺⢐⢪⢑⢈⢁⢋⢊⠆⠲⠰⠬⡨⡡⣁⣉⠨⡈⡌⢥⢱⠐⢕⣼⣿⣿ ⡪⣪⢣⢫⠪⢢⢅⢥⢡⢅⢅⣑⡨⡑⠅⠕⠔⠔⠄⠤⢨⠠⡰⠠⡂⣎⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⠪⣪⡪⡣⡫⡢⡣⡣⡣⡣⡣⣣⢪⡪⡣⡣⡲⣑⡒⡎⡖⢒⣢⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢁⢂⠲⠬⠩⣁⣙⢊⡓⠝⠎⠮⠮⠚⢎⡣⡳⠕⡉⣬⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢐⠐⢌⠐⠅⡂⠄⠄⢌⢉⠩⠡⡉⠍⠄⢄⠢⡁⡢⠠⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
October 2018

Pepe

I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today

I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
August 2021

Things escalated from there

twitchquotes: I lost my virginity while listening to this song 5 years ago, it's a funny story really.. i had just finished my gym workout and i was in the locker room all sweaty, and in walks this leather dressed jabroni.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. i told him he might have gotten the wrong door, then he got very rude and said "fuck you", then i said "nah fuck you leatherman" and then things escalated from there
twitch chat
July 2018

Cheerio Kripp, this is Nigel from Yogurtcast

twitchquotes: Cheerio Kripp, this is Nigel from Yogurtcast. Oliver and I have some smashing news for you! Your casual playstyle, and ability to endure childrens videogames makes you a proper candidate for the splendid world of Minecraft commentary! Tally ho!
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

On imaqtpie playing Outlast...

twitchquotes: WOULD LUCIAN BE THIS BIG OF A BITCH WHEN HE IS TRYING TO SAVE SENNAS SOUL FROM THRESH
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie
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