Which one of you fucks got reddit to send me this shit
"Hi there,
A concerned redditor reached out to us about you.
When you're in the middle of something painful, it may feel like you don't have a lot of options."
What happened to this ad? :(
More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Robinhood halts trading on President's Day
This is bullshit. Iām disgusted and Iām honestly on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown. Robinhood has once again halted trading. But this time itās halted on all stocks. This fine Monday morning I wake up to find that all orders arenāt going to be filled till tomorrow morning. My dadās wifeās girlfriend is a powerful lawyer in Boca Raton and Iām seriously considering retaining her services and filing a class action lawsuit against these citadel dick munchers. This has happened to me too many times. Iām low key spiraling into madness. Donate to me on onlyfans if you want to contribute towards the legal fees. Sheās giving me a pretty kickass discount, but she estimates itās still going to cost $150k. This happens to be the amount I lost on gme, but this is not relevant to the conversation here. Itās time to rise up and take down robinhood once and for all.
Also, yeah my stepmom has a girlfriend. Itās 2021 you bigots.
WallStreetBets
Stonks only go up. But you don't.
You watch her as she brushes her hair. Sheās humming a song you canāt quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you.
She turns. āWhat do you want for Christmas?ā You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. āNothing, really.ā
āNothing?ā She crawls into bed and touches your leg. āAre you sure?ā Again, you wonder why this person chose you.
As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. Theyāll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, āWhatās wrong?ā
Stonks only go up.
But you donāt.
WallStreetBets
The Battle of Gamestop rages on.
The Battle of Gamestop rages on.
Pre-market we could hear the bears in no-manās land, baiting us towards higher prices so the shorts could do their dirty work. I was stationed at the 13.80 line, and knew the morning was going to be hot. I shoveled a breakfast of tendies and said a quick prayer to Father Cohen.
When the bell rang, the bears surged into our trenches. Blood and rainbow fur filled the air and littered the ground. The Diamond Division has seen worse days, and we held firm. As the bears retreated we gave chase to retake ground weād lost in the past week.
As I caught my breath near the 14.50, I could see bodies everywhere; paper hands who had fallen in earlier battles. One of them groaned and reached a hand towards me. I spat on him and kept moving. No honor in retreat, and no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds.
This war wonāt be won in a day, but it will be won. Tell my wifeās boyfriend to tell her I love her.
WallStreetBets
Drunk at Applebees
I donāt care if thereās a microchip in the vaccine. Iād let them put a whole MacBook Pro inside of me if it meant I could get drunk at Applebees again
WallStreetBets
Christmas for a wsb trader
As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some.
How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully.
āAre you coming to bed?ā your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. Youāll stop soon, though. āSoon!ā you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps.
The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they haltāthe alternation feature brokenāon red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like theyāre bleeding. Like your calls.
After a timeāhours?āyou realize youāre sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.