Which one of you fucks got reddit to send me this shit
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A concerned redditor reached out to us about you.
When you're in the middle of something painful, it may feel like you don't have a lot of options."
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More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Stimulus talks going well in 2946
The year is 2946, Robot Mitch McConnel and Cyborg Nancy Pelosi report stimulus talks going well.
The Dow rewards them and hits 6.02 x 1023.
WallStreetBets
Jeff Bezos vs Elon Musk
Jeff Bezos
-Bald
-Exwife took half his networth
-Second richest person
Elon Musk
-Grew back full head of hair
-Has girlfriend, allegedly had a threesome with Amber Heard and Cara Delevingne
-Richest person
TSLA > AMZN
WallStreetBets
Classic
Iām a simple guy
Iām a simple guy. I donāt know about all these fancy āfinancial instrumentsā or āmarket dynamicsā or āwhere the clit is.ā
I like the stock, I buy the stock.
WallStreetBets
Stonks only go up. But you don't.
You watch her as she brushes her hair. Sheās humming a song you canāt quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you.
She turns. āWhat do you want for Christmas?ā You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. āNothing, really.ā
āNothing?ā She crawls into bed and touches your leg. āAre you sure?ā Again, you wonder why this person chose you.
As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. Theyāll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, āWhatās wrong?ā
Stonks only go up.
But you donāt.
WallStreetBets
So Iām an AMC shareholder
So Iām an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I canāt believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now Iām typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?