[Copypasta] That hunk of a man is an E-sports athlete?

twitchquotes: That hunk of a man, [insert Cyber sportsman here], is an E-sports athlete? Unbelievable. Kreygasm He could be a Calvin Klein model. Kreygasm Or a pro footballer with a ripped physique like that. Kreygasm That is by far the hottest Cyber sportsman to ever grace the esports industry. Kreygasm
twitch chat
October 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Wrench

⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣦ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠈⠉⢙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠋⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠉⠉⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠋⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠋⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣦⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣗⠀⣿⣿⠗⠀⣠⣦⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠉
ascii art
January 2020

Sorry, I dropped my chess set

twitchquotes: ♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ Sorry, I've dropped my chess set ♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♞ ♟♛ ♙♗ ♘
twitch chat
September 2014
imaqtpie

Kripp and Larry Page, CEO of Google

twitchquotes: Hᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, Lᴀʀʀʏ Pᴀɢᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ, CEO ᴏғ Gᴏᴏɢʟᴇ. Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ ᴄᴏᴘʏʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ Bʟɪᴢᴢᴀʀᴅ Eɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ™. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴛᴏᴘ ɪᴍᴍᴇᴅɪᴀᴛᴇʟʏ ᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɴᴇʟ ᴡɪʟʟ ʀɪᴘ ɪɴ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
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