[Copypasta] I have not been gifted a single sub

twitchquotes: Hey streamer, i just wanted to express my disappointment in your community with this message. I have been a active viewer for the past couple of years and despite my constant effort i have not been gifted a single sub by your community. You should really be ashamed.
twitch chat
July 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Bender demends a voltron deck

twitchquotes: ¦̵ ̵ ̵ ̵ ̵(̢ ̡└̅┘͇ (▤8כ−◦ BENDER demands a VOLTRON deck
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Caleb, this is Tom from LA Fitness

twitchquotes: Caleb, this is Tom from LA Fitness: we want you to know you are forever banned from our facilities. We understand you take your workout seriously, but what you and your "friends" did in the showers had no cardiovascular value. I know you said you were "working each others glutes", but we both know that's a lie. What you did with the curl bar was disgusting, and our staff is STILL trying to scrub lubricant and bodily fluids off the ceiling. We have added a "Caleb Alarm", don't return.
twitch chat
January 2020
Calebhart42

KappaPride

The game of "shitpost" is a gentlemans' sport

twitchquotes: The game of "shitpost" is a gentlemans' sport played by high society clubs like S.M.E.G. on emoting grounds across twitch. To play, one player posts a satirical block of text to the pitch, usually with a paygated emote such as moon2SMEG . Next, the other players copy and paste the same message while simultaneously laughing at the misfortune of the lower class.
twitch chat
June 2017
MOONMOON

War Thunder is like playing chess

It's not that the game is addicting, it's just that there are no decent alternatives. War Thunder is basically the intellectual version of the FPS games that all the stupid children and mongoloid brains play. Instead of just being based purely on twitch "skills" which require as much intellectual ability as closing popup spam windows, in War Thunder you have to use at least some tactics and strategy. FPS games are like playing Pong on high speed. War Thunder is like playing chess. The art of gaming is simply dead for big brains. 20 years ago there were tons of games that required brainpower because PC gaming back then was by nerds and for nerds, but then the corporate suits took over and were like "broaden the appeal to we can make more sales" so everything got dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. My GF asked me if I was "having fun" playing War Thunder, and I looked at her like she was a fucking retard to even consider that sentence a valid question. I don't have FUN playing War Thunder. This game routinely pisses me off and makes me rage. However, when I stomp the entire enemy team and crush them so utterly I can hear the lamentations of their mothers, I feel satisfaction. I spent weeks grinding for Operation Winter. The vikings had a word for this. They called it Valhalla. Endless war. Endless combat. Knowing only victory and death. Bathing in the blood of your enemies. You get 15 kills and bask in glory and rewards, and think: what should I do now? Should I get in my Honda Fit and tour the local strip mall for my Triumph? Should I microwave some tendies and throw myself a great Feast? But there is only one option. There is only ever one option. To Battle! Various cultures have alternatively described the gameplay loop of War Thunder as their vision of Heaven or Hell. It is both.
January 2021

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times.

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
August 2021
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