[Copypasta] JPOW was casually eating dinner

twitchquotes: JPOW was casually eating dinner with his wife and kids for Motherโ€™s Day.. opened his investing.com app.. saw futures were red.. stopped mid dinner and folded his napkin.. headed to the basement.. fired up his money printers.. all why murming Iโ€™ll get these bears.. his wife yelled down and asked if he wanted dessert.. he didnโ€™t even answer (and he loves dessert)
twitch chat
May 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Reynad please give pube-styling tips

twitchquotes: Hey reynad, ever since I listened to your tips my hair has never been better! But now I need pube-styling tips. Do you trim or straighten it? I was thinking an Abe Lincoln look. what do you think?
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

joe biden said he was the impostor

I ๐Ÿ‘ met joe biden at ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ’ฆ 3 ๐ŸŽ†๐Ÿ•‘ am ๐Ÿ‘ he said ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ–• he was the ๐Ÿ„๐Ÿค› impostor guys โ™‚ should ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘ซ i ๐Ÿ‘† believe ๐Ÿป him ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ˜ฉ im ๐Ÿผ soo scared โŒ i dont ๐Ÿ˜ก know ๐Ÿค”โ“ what to ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿšถ do ๐Ÿ‘Œ help ๐Ÿ’ me ๐Ÿ’‹ out. ๐Ÿค”
July 2021

Emoji Pasta

AITA for ending my marriage over Animal Crossing??

I (65m) and my wife 24(f) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. All my friends are jealous that i was able to score such a hot young woman but itโ€™s starting to cause some problems in our relationship believe it or not. When the pandemic hit, I was very nervous since Iโ€™m not in great health. We decided to buy the Nintendo Switch and play this game called Animal Crossing. I guess itโ€™s popular with the kids? Anywho, we start building this town and everything was fine at first. Then, my wife decides that she wants to remodel the town. No problem. But she starts cutting down all the trees, destroying the cliffs, removing the river, etc... I told her this is out of line. We should respect nature not destroy it. Her answer? It was ugly and she didnโ€™t like to walk the long way around. She also takes all of my hard earned money from fishing and gambles it all away on turnip stocks. Last week she spent 400k on turnips and sold them for 260k. Do you know how many red snappers I need to catch to make that back up? Iโ€™m trying to retire soon and itโ€™s making me think she doesnโ€™t know how to manage money. What really drove me to the breaking point, my best friend Boon is on the island and we really get along. He likes to lift weights, so do I. I log into the game one day and build him a gift. When I try to find him, heโ€™s nowhere to be found... I ask, where is boon? She doesnโ€™t answer. Where is Boon ?? She says โ€œI kicked him off the island, he was annoyingโ€. Reddit, she kicked my best friend off the island without even talking to me. The next day I filed for divorce and kicked her out. Iโ€™m keeping the switch and rebuilding our town. Hopefully Boon comes back. AITA or did I doge a bullet with my sociopathic (ex)wife? Edit: Thank you all for the support and messages over the last 24hrs. Itโ€™s been a wild day but the good news is that after a few hours of island hopping I was able to find Boon and convince him to come back to my island. Seems like things are heading in the right direction.
August 2021

AITA

Trump wakes up chained to the wall

twitchquotes: Trump wakes up chained to the wall of a small room with Kripp standing over him. Orange Juice begins pouring from the walls, quickly filling the space. Trump screams in horror as he struggles to get free. Kripp walks out, shuts the door and sits down to begin his stream, the white wall of the death chamber visible behind him for all his viewers to see
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Last night I shoved live gerbils in my ass for the first time. AMA

July 2022

Confessions

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