[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Aura relentlessly stabbed the shell out of the turtle

twitchquotes: As Aura relentlessly stabbed the shell out of the turtle with his long hard white sword, he fondly remembered the time that Doug Bowser pounded him until he became bald. Aura was so entranced that he was distracted from the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.
twitch chat
February 2020
Aurateur

I want to be Kripp's knee

twitchquotes: Ｗｈｅｎ Ｉ ｓｅｅ Ｋｒｉｐｐ＇ｓ ｋｎｅｅ， Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｌｉｃｋ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ． Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｌｉｖｅ ｉｎ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ． Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｂｅ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ． Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｂｅ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ ｆｒｅｅ． Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｎｏ ｃｏｐｙ ｐａｓｔｅｒｉｎｏ ｄｏｎｇｅｒｉｎｏ ｐｏｏｐｅｒｉｎｏ．
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Suicide test!

twitchquotes: Suicide test! If the arms touch your name kill yourself. ⎝ FeelsBadMan ⎠
twitch chat
May 2016
Forsen

Chat Test

So I’m an AMC shareholder

So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Ben Shapiro counts to one million

So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

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