[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
I used to be a real ad
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SCP Jerma

Item #: SCP-985-J Object Class: Euclid Special Contain Procedures: SCP-985-J must be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell decorated to look like an average American household with a live video feed. SCP-985-J must be fed BrainFluud once every 6 hours for sustenance. Personnel assigned to SCP-985-J must refrain from using the words "Short Streamer" "Late" "Loud Pee" and "Bald" as this can agitate SCP-985-J, causing it to enter an enraged state. SCP-985-J is allowed access to one (1) Garfield comic strip per day for entertainment. Description: SCP-985-J is a 32 year old Caucasian male from Boston, MA. SCP-985-J refers to itself as "Jeremy Elbertson" and believes itself to be much taller than it appears to others, referring to itself as being "not tiny" and "compact". SCP-985-J was discovered by the Foundation on ██/██/201█ when footage emerged of it attacking and killing [DATA EXPUNGED]. MTF Gamma-43 ("Anti-Jerms") was dispatched to secure the anomaly and all civilians who had viewed the footage were amnesticized.
January 2022
Jerma985

I once knew this man. He was from the ocean

twitchquotes: I once knew this man. He was from the ocean. He did very Ocean-y things. He took me by the hand to take me to the land that you understand. He was the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand, Soaking up the thirst of the land. Soaking up the thirst of the land. His Shin was in the shape of an "O". Don't know what to call him though...any ideas?
twitch chat
June 2017

Hospitals

twitchquotes: If 700,000 people die in hospitals every year. Why don't we close down these hospitals and prevent those deaths? (つ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つ
twitch chat
April 2015
imaqtpie

the unluckiest human ever

twitchquotes: BREAKING NEWS - scientists have discovered what they are calling "the unluckiest human ever". The unfortunate individual discovered this condition by badly playing a digital children's chess game. "It's literally unbelievable, dude", the man told scientists. "I play every game perfectly, but I just keep lowrolling and going eif!" The man continued to whine incessantly until, unfortunately, he dropped dead of a salt overdose.
twitch chat
September 2021
k3soju

Teamfight Tactics

SKROINK!

twitchquotes: [ ᕤ ಠ (oo) ಠ ]ᕤ ︵┻━┻ SKROINK! [ ᕤ ಠ (oo) ಠ ]ᕤ ︵┻━┻
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
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