[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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Bird with cock

ascii art
March 2021

NSFW

Summon The Hydra

If the human body is 75% water...

twitchquotes: If the human body is 75% water, how can you be 100% salt? Kappa
twitch chat
September 2015
Reynad

salty

How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex?

How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex? TLDR; My husband says ‘Goblin Mode activated’ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ‘Goblin Mode off’ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward. I really love my husband and he’s always been great in bed. But recently he’s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ‘Goblin Mode’. We didn’t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. He’s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, he’s been a little emotionally unwell. I’ve heard him muttering, ‘Goblin’ repeatedly when he didn’t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ‘Goblin Mode activated’, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex I’ve ever had, but I’m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice? Edit: The problem isn’t the ‘Goblin Mode’, it’s that he could be ill
July 2022

Confessions

Classic

Perfect Pharaoh Pyramid

deIlluminati only real Pharaoh can built this perfect pyramid TBTacoLeft TBTacoRight . Try like me !Try like me ! Try like me ! TBTacoLeft TBCheesePull TBTacoRight And my pyramid still higher!!!!!! TBTacoLeft TBCheesePull TBCheesePull TBTacoRight
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

Fuck minecraft

twitchquotes: Fuck minecraft. I've had it with this dumb, misleading game. Do you know how much time I've spent digging through my backyard, only to find worms and dog shit? And what the fuck is with those fucked up graphics? NEWS FLASH, the real world is not comprised of blocks but actually of hundreds of atoms, stupid Notch. In fortnite (battle royale game) trees fall down when you cut them, but it stupid minecraft they float in the sky,wtf (what the fuck), where's the immersion?
twitch chat
January 2019
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