[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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Pirate ship

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠤⠴⠶⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣾⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠉⡇⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⢀⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣷⠀⠀⠀⠸⠟⠁⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠟⢹⣋⣀⡀⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣠⣼⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⠿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠳⣤⣙⠟⠛⢻⠿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠘⠉⠀⢸⠀⢀⣠⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣷⣦⣼⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠿⢿⡿⠿⣿⡄⠀⠀⣼⣷⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡈⠉⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠉⠂⠀⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⣸⣧⣠⣤⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
ascii art
February 2021

Infinite Cum Part 3

Your release had increased so much that they could no longer contain you. Your cum has consumed the entirety of the cosmos. Humanity is without a shred of doubt, gone. You are alone in the universe. If there were aliens, they are dead now. It’s over. In despair, you mourn the death of the scientists, of humanity, of everyone. You realize you'll never hear her sweet and calming voice, see her proud body. Your sad. Your terrified. Chronicles pass. The last stars in the universe eclipse. You silently watch as the last atoms break into protons, into quarks, into mere beams of weak energy that disperse along the vertical ropes. But the ropes no longer play their docile music. They have gonne silent. You watch, helplessly, as the Last mozon is engulfed into the ever expanding plane of Cum. Your own creation destroys the very own universe, defying the own plan of existence. You are alone. You scream, but nothing comes out of your mouth. You cry, but nothing descends from your eyes. Do you even have eyes? All you can see is the torrid Instotucional white across the whole of the Universe. Entire Gans eclipse before your eyes, but then you realize the horror: The Cum turned against you. With nothing more to consume, your sons turned against their father, and begin to consume you. You tremble. There's nothing to do. The huge weight impacts you like if whole planets fell onto your shoulders. Your alone. In your last moments, a odd sentiment of peace invades you for the first time since the early days of the universe. It's finally gonna end. You think about all the people that you've met during your stay in this universe. In the end, you think about the researcher. About her arms. Her breasts. You feel... good. For the first time in many hipereons. You jack off it. It's so.... good, you come at the right time, freeing the constrained cum from your menber. You open your eyes, and behold the bathroom door. You are Ok. You remember everything. It's all over. You exit the bathroom after jacking off again, going back to your old life. The cum stops.
April 2022

Infinite Cum

I love the McChicken

For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige. One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!". Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs. I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.
April 2022

Flame imp is a bad card

twitchquotes: Wow. Wanna know how I know that this guy doesn't know what he is doing? He plays Flame Imp, a card that does 3 damage to the guy that plays it. Clearly he doesn't understand that if you run out of health you lose.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Kripp defending Blizzard on Diablo Immortal

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, video game journalist and decent human being here. Looking to get your thoughts on the disgusting response of entitled gamers to the Diablo Immortal reveal. On a scale from Hitler (least evil) to Straight White Male PC Gamer (most evil), how would you characterize those who criticize Blizzard? Hope to hear you are as unbiased as I am, thanks!
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp
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