[Copypasta] Penis Inspection Day

twitchquotes: I was talking to some people I know, and apparently I'm the only person who remembers "Penis Inspection Day" in Elementary School. The gym teacher took us into the washroom one at a time while everyone else kept playing, and tugged our foreskin back and inspected our penis to make sure we were developing properly and keeping clean. Surely I can't be the only one who remembers this, other people must have had Penis Inspection Day at their school too.
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December 2019
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AITA for ending my marriage over Animal Crossing??

I (65m) and my wife 24(f) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. All my friends are jealous that i was able to score such a hot young woman but itโ€™s starting to cause some problems in our relationship believe it or not. When the pandemic hit, I was very nervous since Iโ€™m not in great health. We decided to buy the Nintendo Switch and play this game called Animal Crossing. I guess itโ€™s popular with the kids? Anywho, we start building this town and everything was fine at first. Then, my wife decides that she wants to remodel the town. No problem. But she starts cutting down all the trees, destroying the cliffs, removing the river, etc... I told her this is out of line. We should respect nature not destroy it. Her answer? It was ugly and she didnโ€™t like to walk the long way around. She also takes all of my hard earned money from fishing and gambles it all away on turnip stocks. Last week she spent 400k on turnips and sold them for 260k. Do you know how many red snappers I need to catch to make that back up? Iโ€™m trying to retire soon and itโ€™s making me think she doesnโ€™t know how to manage money. What really drove me to the breaking point, my best friend Boon is on the island and we really get along. He likes to lift weights, so do I. I log into the game one day and build him a gift. When I try to find him, heโ€™s nowhere to be found... I ask, where is boon? She doesnโ€™t answer. Where is Boon ?? She says โ€œI kicked him off the island, he was annoyingโ€. Reddit, she kicked my best friend off the island without even talking to me. The next day I filed for divorce and kicked her out. Iโ€™m keeping the switch and rebuilding our town. Hopefully Boon comes back. AITA or did I doge a bullet with my sociopathic (ex)wife? Edit: Thank you all for the support and messages over the last 24hrs. Itโ€™s been a wild day but the good news is that after a few hours of island hopping I was able to find Boon and convince him to come back to my island. Seems like things are heading in the right direction.
August 2021

AITA

Megamind Peeking "No Bitches?"

โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”No bitches?โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€” โ €โฃžโขฝโขชโขฃโขฃโขฃโขซโกบโกตโฃโกฎโฃ—โขทโขฝโขฝโขฝโฃฎโกทโกฝโฃœโฃœโขฎโขบโฃœโขทโขฝโขโกฝโฃ โ ธโกธโ œโ •โ •โ โขโข‡โขโขฝโขบโฃชโกณโกโฃŽโฃโขฏโขžโกฟโฃŸโฃทโฃณโขฏโกทโฃฝโขฝโขฏโฃณโฃซโ ‡ โ €โ €โข€โข€โข„โขฌโขชโกชโกŽโฃ†โกˆโ šโ œโ •โ ‡โ —โ โข•โขฏโขซโฃžโฃฏโฃฟโฃปโกฝโฃโข—โฃ—โ โ € โ €โ ชโกชโกชโฃชโขชโขบโขธโขขโข“โข†โขคโข€โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโขŠโขžโกพโฃฟโกฏโฃโขฎโ ทโ โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโ Šโ †โกƒโ •โข•โข‡โข‡โข‡โข‡โข‡โขโขŽโขŽโข†โข„โ €โข‘โฃฝโฃฟโขโ ฒโ ‰โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โกฟโ ‚โ  โ €โก‡โข‡โ •โขˆโฃ€โ €โ โ กโ ฃโกฃโกซโฃ‚โฃฟโ ฏโขชโ ฐโ ‚โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โกฆโก™โก‚โข€โขคโขฃโ ฃโกˆโฃพโกƒโ  โ „โ €โก„โขฑโฃŒโฃถโขโขŠโ ‚โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โขโกฒโฃœโกฎโกโขŽโขŒโข‚โ ™โ ขโ โข€โข˜โขตโฃฝโฃฟโกฟโ โ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ จโฃบโกบโก•โก•โกฑโก‘โก†โก•โก…โก•โกœโกผโขฝโกปโ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃผโฃณโฃซโฃพโฃตโฃ—โกตโกฑโกกโขฃโข‘โข•โขœโข•โกโ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โฃดโฃฟโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโกฝโก‘โขŒโ ชโกขโกฃโฃฃโกŸโ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โกŸโกพโฃฟโขฟโขฟโขตโฃฝโฃพโฃผโฃ˜โขธโขธโฃžโกŸโ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ โ ‡โ กโ ฉโกซโขฟโฃโกปโกฎโฃ’โขฝโ ‹โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
ascii art
January 2022

I sexually identify as Ninja Fortnite Gaming

I sexually identify as Ninja Fortnite Gaming. Ever since I was young, I've dreamed of understanding "the pain of being famous", and producing shitty keyboards. People say to me that he was only popular in 2017, but I disagree. He will always have a special place in my heart. From a young age, I knew I was different. Dying my hair blue, being overly cocky, and stealing others' identities were just a few of my favorite childhood pastimes. I'm just not like other guys. From now on, I want you guys to call me Ninja Fortnite Gaming (Tyler Blevins is not acceptable). My pronouns are fort/nite. If you don't use or respect them you're a gamephobe griefer and need to try out his new skin and Gfuel flavor Chug Jug to become more culturally sensitive. Use code NINJAYT for 30% off your order today. Thank you for being understanding.
April 2022
Ninja

Wojak

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„ โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„ โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–Œ โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–Œ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–Œ โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–โ–Œ โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–Œ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€ โ”€โ”€โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€ โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€ โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„
ascii art
September 2018

Kermit the Frog and the Twin Towers

It is actual Muppets canon that Kermit the Frog, in some way, had a role in bringing down the Twin Towers in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001. In "It's a Very Muppets Christmas Movie," a film released in late 2002, Kermit is shown a glimpse of what New York City might look like if he had never been born. Among the scenery of this alternate reality NYC, we find none other than the Twin Towers proudly standing in the background. They were, of course, long destroyed in Kermit's normal reality. And yet, in the world without Kermit, the war on terror is missing its powder keg spark. Who would've thought that green piece of fuck could kermit a terror attack on US soil, but there it stands unimpeachable... We have concrete, canon proof of involvement. Why the world hasn't stopped and asked further questions is only further proof of a media cabal keeping this conversation away from the masses. The Twin Towers would still be standing if it weren't for Kermit the Frog. Al Qaeda was the puppet this time, and Kermit the hand within.
April 2022
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