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Smartest Man in Existence
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When I was in school I used to have an IQ of 15. My classmates used to harass me for not being that smart. But since 2013, my life has changed. My IQ is now 195 and it increases by 5 every time I sit down on Saturday nights to watch this one show. It is called Rick and Morty. Because of that, I get all the girls and people are always comparing me to Albert Einstein, some even say that I am the cure for cancer. When the government found out that I watch Rick and Morty, they showed up to my residence and took me to a secret facility to take an exam. The exam was about explaining all the jokes in Rick and Morty and I had to answer each question in all currently spoken languages. Since I watched Rick and Morty, I didn't have any problems and I completed it in 30 minutes. The next day, I got to see the results and I passed the exam with a score of 100%. They gave me the title "Smartest Man in Existence". Guess I am out of this world.
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Rick and Morty
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity.
What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Γbernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra.
It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
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Middle finger
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How to kill a geologist
Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.
Iβd brandish my obsidian knife at them and theyβd be compelled to approach. βThatβs very cool,β theyβd say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. Theyβd shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. βBut as it is volcanic glass, itβs very fragile, you see, and isnβt well-suited for use as a weapββ and then Iβd hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
The Bible is an amazing manga
The Bible is an amazing manga. Chapters 1-5 were written by this guy named Moses but for some reason the author changed around. Abram is definitely my favorite character although for some reason they retconned his name to be Abraham, and in some regional publications his name is Ibrahim. The best ship is Abram x Sarah. Also, they totally nailed the new testament chapter, with some great character development. I never expected Judas' betrayal either.