[Copypasta] I want to become a walrus

twitchquotes: Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walri. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. Thank you all.
twitch chat
July 2014

Classic

I used to be a real ad
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GabeN says James is an ass

twitchquotes: James. We've had issues with James at previous events. Some Valve people lobbied to bring him back for Shanghai, feeling that he deserved another chance. That was a mistake. James is an ass, and we won't be working with him again.
twitch chat
June 2019

Classic

Dota 2

As I type this I have my modded PS2 running a track IP script on your post

You fucked up kid. As I type this I have my modded PS2 running a track IP script on your post. Once I have triangulated your position in the world, my PS3 will release to your router my very own Pandora box virus. You won't notice it at first, but soon your lame PC will begin to work against you in ways you can't even imagine. First your graphics card will start to emit the flu virus, your ram will be uploaded online so everyone will be able to use it, your motherboard will slowly secrete acidic resin which will fry the electronics. The processor will be fine, just to give you hope. You will be left with a husk of a machine, all because you decided to critique my mental ability... was it worth it? Not even your mummy can help you now fuck boy
January 2021

Classic

UwU

⑆⣐⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠅⒗⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠕⠕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕ ⒐⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⣕⒕⒕⠕⠁⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠅⑄⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕ ⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠅⒗⒕⠕⣠⠄⣗⒕⒕⠕⒕⒕⒕⠕⒠⣿⠐⒕⒕⒕⠑⒕⒕⠡⒕ β’•β’•β’•β’•β β’œβ •β’β£΄β£Ώβ‘‡β’“β’•β’΅β’β’•β’•β •β’β£Ύβ’Ώβ£§β ‘β’•β’•β „β’‘β’•β …β’• ⒕⒕⠡⒁⠔⒁⣀⣀⣢⣢⣢⑐⣕Ⓗ⠐⒕⠕⣑⣾⣢⣢⣢⣀⑁⒓⒕⠄⒑⒅⒑ ⠍⣧⠄⣢⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣔⒕⒄⒑⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⑑⒕⒀⠱⒐ β’ β’•β …β£Ύβ£Ώβ ‹β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ‰β£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£¦β£Άβ£½β£Ώβ£Ώβ ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ β’Ήβ£·β£·β‘…β’ β£”β’•β’₯β’»β£Ώβ‘€β ˆβ ›β ›β β’ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘€β ˆβ ›β ›β β „β£Όβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘‡β’” β’•β’•β’½β’Έβ’Ÿβ’Ÿβ’–β’–β’€β£Άβ‘Ÿβ’»β£Ώβ‘Ώβ »β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ’€β£Ώβ£¦β’€β’€β’”β’žβ’Ώβ’Ώβ£Ώβ β’• β’•β’•β …β£β’•β’•β’•β’•β’•β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β ›β’€β£¦β ˆβ ›β’β£Όβ£Ώβ’—β’•β’•β’•β’•β’•β’•β‘β£˜β’• ⒕⒕⠅⒓⣕⣕⣕⣕⣡⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣕⒕⒕⒕⒕②⒀⒕⒕ β’‘β’•β ƒβ‘ˆβ’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ’ƒβ’•β’•β’• ⣆⒕⠄⒱⣄⠛Ⓙ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⒁⒕⒕⠕⒁ β£Ώβ£¦β‘€β£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£Άβ£¬β£β£›β£›β£›β‘›β Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ ›β ›β’›β£›β£‰β£­β£€β£‚β’œβ •β’‘β£‘β£΄β£Ώ
ascii art
December 2019

Weebs

Classic

It was a real life gamer girl

So the other day, I was playing rainbow six siege, and I heard one of my teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, I kid you not, I just stopped playing and pulled my dick out. β€œfuck, Fuck!” I was yelling in voice chat. I just wanted to hear her voice again. β€œPlease,” I moaned. But she left the lobby. I was crying and covered in my own cum, but I remembered that I could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. I frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out she had TTV IN HER NAME!!! She was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so I made the first move and donated my months rent to her. I was already about to pre. She read my donation in the chat. God this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I did a little research, and found out where she goes to school, but I am a little nervous to talk to her in person, and need support. Any advice before my Uber gets to her middle school?
August 2021

Simps

Classic

Troll face

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–„β–„β–„β–’β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–‘β–’β–ˆβ–’β–„β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–’β–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Classic

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