[Copypasta] I hate Stuart Little

twitchquotes: I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you're thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no, Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A god damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he's supposed to be a hero? And I can't even tell you how many damn times I've seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible.
twitch chat
May 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I just fired out why they call them Brokers

I just figured out why they call them ‘Brokers’
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Real hardcore gamers play at least 4 games at a time

twitchquotes: ２ ｇａｍｅｓ ａｔ ｔｈｅ ｓａｍｅ ｔｉｍｅ？ ｆｉｌｔｈｙ ｃａｓｕａｌ． ｒｅａｌ ｈａｒｄｃｏｒｅ ｇａｍｅｒｓ ｐｌａｙ ａｔ ｌｅａｓｔ ４ ｇａｍｅｓ ｗｉｔｈ ｏｎｅ ｈａｎｄ ｔｉｅｄ ｂｅｈｉｎｄ ｔｈｅｉｒ ｂａｃｋ． ｓｅｒｉｏｕｓｌｙ ｋｒｉｐｐ， ｉｆ ｙｏｕ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｋｅｅｐ ｙｏｕｒ ｖｉｅｗｅｒｓ ｙｏｕ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ ｓｔｅｐ ｉｔ ｕｐ． ｓｉｎｃｅｒｅｌｙ， ａ ｓｏｏｎ ｔｏ ｂｅ ｅｘ－ｋｒｉｐｐｌｅｔ
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Hi David, this is Akali's daughter

twitchquotes: Hi David, this is Akali's daughter. I noticed you have been picking my mom for your team in gym class. i have been having a really tough time since she left home, and it doesn’t make it easy on me when you reroll and say "i guess we're going assasins.“ I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if your mom left you to go carry an old man. Akali is just a poor single mom that is overworked to death. Why don’t you try being a little more exclusive.
twitch chat
July 2019
dogdog

Teamfight Tactics

Hey! I noticed you used an emoji.

I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you? If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit. If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.
January 2024

Reddit

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

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