[Copypasta] Can you stack these cans

That's the power of cargo pants

twitchquotes: Excuse me? Cargo pants, motherfucker. My pockets have pockets. You can't stop the storage. And when it gets too hot, just unzip and remove the lower half of the legs. Utility, motherfuckers. Want me to hold your phone for a second? how about I hold one of every phone on the market, each with their own individual pocket. Want me to hold your souvenir from your vacation to Europe? How about I put Europe in my pocket. That's the power of cargo pants, motherfuckers

twitch chat

August 2019

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.

December 2020

WallStreetBets

I will tell Michael to ban you all

twitchquotes: Hello twitch chat. This is michaels mother speaking. Please stop the spam in the chat. I can't read the amazing conversations that you are having about my son. Thanks. Don't copy and paste this to spam more or I will tell Michael to ban you all.

twitch chat

December 2014

imaqtpie

My poop story

twitchquotes: My poop story. I lived in a dookie (pun on purpose) apartment complex in a college town, literally $300 a month, on a river in the south. So a small and always very high maintenance team worked for them. They showed up (stoned) and were changing everyone’s filters. Heard. Ok come in. I had a particularly funky little caesars pizza not an hour before the incident. We were making small talk and such as these things tend to linger, I suddenly felt a disturbance in my lower gut (bubbleguts). I felt confident in my distance from the maintenance guy that I got squeeze out a fart and then distract him into another room. This was no fart. At slightest bit of effort I put towards this fart a flood of terrible pizza diarrhea shot out of my ass like a goddamn rocket. As I was staring this man in the eye. I was staring another human being in the eyes...while I pooed my pants. To this day not only do I have no clue if he knew or not but I would still pay thousands of dollars to just see my face when that happened. That is my poop story.

twitch chat

June 2019

Pika girl

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠛⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠱⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⠒⠉⠉⠉⠉⠑⠒⠲⠤⢄⣀⡏⠉⠁⠒⠢⢷⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀ ⢀⣠⡤⠖⠚⡏⠉⠉⠁⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠠⢄⠀⠎⠁⠀⠰⣀⠀⠀⠄⠈⠙⠆⠈⠂⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠻⣧⡀⠀⢰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠒⠀⣀⡤⠤⠖⡒⠿⠥⣄⡀⠀⢠⠒⠄⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠙⠲⢼⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡴⠛⠁⢀⢴⡘⠰⡀⡦⡀⡍⠲⢄⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢉⠗⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠞⠁⡄⣠⣧⠎⠘⠁⠀⠣⠁⠱⡏⢆⠈⠳⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠃⠀⢀⡇⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⠬⣼⡀⠙⡄⠀⠀⠸⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⢰⡇⠀⠀⢸⢹⠄⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠉⢇⠀⣽⡄⠀⠀⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⣏⢠⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡏⢪⢷⣸⠀⣹⣴⠀⠀⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⢰⠉⢌⣄⠟⣤⠀⣠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢏⡵⠋⣾⣻⢡⠃⡇⡆⠀⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠘⠀⠀⠪⢴⢸⠙⠊⠉⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠯⠞⠁⠹⡹⠐⠀⠁⠀⡇ ⠀⠀⡰⠁⠙⢦⡀⠘⡄⠀⠑⠄⣀⢹⢸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡃⡇⡀⠀⠀⢀⠇ ⠀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠈⢦⠀⠀⠀⠹⡘⡌⣢⠤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡠⠴⠚⠓⡇⡏⢀⣠⠔⠊⠀ ⢰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢢⠀⠑⠒⠒⠒⢣⣩⣀⡞⠉⡽⢄⣀⣵⠛⢭⠑⡖⢲⣳⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⢎⠀⡼⠀⠀⠀⠋⣻⠢⠀⠈⢇⠺⡘⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠉⠉⠉⠑⠒⠢⣄⠀⢀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⡌⠀⣇⠀⠀⠀⢸⠝⣆⠀⠀⠸⡀⢱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠎⠀⠠⠧⡤⢄⡀⠀⠀⠡⡀⠙⠀⠀⠀⢪⠀⡟⠀⠀⠀⡇⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠒⠠⠴⢮⣁⠀⡇⠀⠀⢰⠉⢢⣄⡀⠀⢸⠄⡇⠀⠀⡠⠋⢱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠎⠀⠑⢤⠎⠁⠀⠀⠙⠫⣍⠁⠀⡽⠒⠋⠀⠀⠀⠑⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠑⠒⣼⣀⠠⡪⠭⠩⢔⠄⠑⡎⢀⠀⣀⠤⡀⠀⠀⠈⣧⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠊⠉⡠⠐⠛⠂⠤⠀⠀⠙⢄⠅⠀⠀⡠⠇⠓⠒⠓⡙⠀⠀⠑⣄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠎⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡇⡀⠀⠀⠈⢢ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣀⣠⠤⠬⠮⠶⠒⠒⠤⠤⠤⠴⠢⠬⠥⠀⠄⠍⠍⠉⠀⠀⠀⠄⠠⠀⠈

ascii art

March 2021

[Copypasta] Can you stack these cans

That's the power of cargo pants

Unrealized losses

WallStreetBets

I will tell Michael to ban you all

My poop story

Pika girl

Weebs

Confirm Subscription