[Copypasta] No girlfriend. No friends. No talents.

twitchquotes: 4Head No girlfriend 4Head No friends 4Head No talents 4Head Saturday night alone 4Head Wasting time on Twitch 4Head Watching a dead game 4Head Reading the chat more than the stream 4Head Spamming pastas brainlessly 4Head Must be me
twitch chat
September 2018
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American Test Passed

twitchquotes: โœ“ Obesity โœ“ ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ”ซ โœ“ Laziness โœ“ Stupidity โœ“ ๐ŸŒต โœ“ McDonald's โœ“ Donald Trump โœ“ $70k College โœ“ Bad healthcare โœ“ Bad food โœ“ Bad music โœ“ Fahrenheit โœ“ Pounds โœ“ Inches โœ“ AMERICAN TEST PASSED
twitch chat
September 2015

Classic

EU vs NA

SCP Jerma

Item #: SCP-985-J Object Class: Euclid Special Contain Procedures: SCP-985-J must be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell decorated to look like an average American household with a live video feed. SCP-985-J must be fed BrainFluud once every 6 hours for sustenance. Personnel assigned to SCP-985-J must refrain from using the words "Short Streamer" "Late" "Loud Pee" and "Bald" as this can agitate SCP-985-J, causing it to enter an enraged state. SCP-985-J is allowed access to one (1) Garfield comic strip per day for entertainment. Description: SCP-985-J is a 32 year old Caucasian male from Boston, MA. SCP-985-J refers to itself as "Jeremy Elbertson" and believes itself to be much taller than it appears to others, referring to itself as being "not tiny" and "compact". SCP-985-J was discovered by the Foundation on โ–ˆโ–ˆ/โ–ˆโ–ˆ/201โ–ˆ when footage emerged of it attacking and killing [DATA EXPUNGED]. MTF Gamma-43 ("Anti-Jerms") was dispatched to secure the anomaly and all civilians who had viewed the footage were amnesticized.
January 2022
Jerma985

GG

โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•— โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ• โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘
ascii art
January 2021

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? Iโ€™m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Joseph Kony's message to Kripp

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp, I am famous child soldier militia commander Joseph Kony. I want to help you make your own child soldier militia too so we can fight the white man as one. I hope you make the right decision and remember, dongerino dongerino please no copi pasterino banerino Al Pacino cappuccino orange moccha frappuccino steal your kiderino.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
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