[Copypasta] I was born with glass bones and paper skin

twitchquotes: haHAA I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. haHAA
twitch chat
August 2017
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Hello I'm a 1 month old banana

twitchquotes: Hello im a 1 month old banana. Since i fall off the tree i watch leek of legends and want to become Soraka’s bestest banana but im afraid Wukong will eat me. Pls dont laugh at my story!
twitch chat
November 2014
Trick2g

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise?

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Motley Fool would tell you. It’s a 🏳️‍🌈🐻 legend. Darth JPOW was a Dark Lord of the FED, so gay and such a bear he could use his money printer to influence the economy to create inflation… He had such a knowledge of the economy that he could even keep stonk prices from falling. The dark side of the economy is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… transitory. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his tendies, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught Nancy Pelosi everything he knew, then she sold at the top. Ironic. He could save others from market corrections, but not himself.
May 2022

WallStreetBets

Infinite poop

twitchquotes: Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
twitch chat
June 2019

Classic

PepeHands

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⢠⠤⠖⠒⠒⠲⢬⣇⣀⠤⠠⢄⣀⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡯⠁⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⡶⠖⠲⠾⣢⡠⣴⡲⠶⠶⣶⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢞⣛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡿⢶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⠿⠷⢶⡶⠶⠶⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⢠⠴⠞⠋⠀⠐⠲⠼⣷⠖⠲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⢻⣿⣿⡿⢃⢰⡍⠝⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣵⣖⣓⡲⠦⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣨⡥⢆⣏⢨⠻⡘⣆⣷⡸⣸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⢄⡈⠉⠉⠉⠙⠒⢂⡄⡀⠀⡄⠶⠶⠶⣂⡿⢻⢸⣷⣾⣿⢟⣵⣿ ⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢦⡀⢸⣤⣇⢠⡇⢰⠐⣿⡟⢰⣿⣿⠟⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣙⠻⢿⢿⣿⠖⢫⣾⣿⣷⢸⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡆⣿⣦⡙⢿⣿⣏⣿⣿⣷⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣎⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⢁⣿⣿⣿⣦⡙⣿⢻⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⡝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⢿⣿⣿⡿⢰⣿⣿⣿⢘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡙⢿⢣⣿⣿⣿⡏⣼⣧⣌⠻⢿⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
September 2020

Pepe

Do you know who else didn't pet cats?

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, do you know who else didn't pet cats? Hitler. Hitler didn't pet cats. Do you want to be a Nazi too?
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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