[Copypasta] Citizens of Dalaran!

twitchquotes: Citizens of Dalaran! Raise your eyes to the skies and observe! Today our world's destruction has been averted in defiance of our very makers! Algalon the Observer, herald of the titans, has been defeated by our brave comrades in the depths of the titan city of Ulduar. Algalon was sent here to judge the fate of our world. He found a planet whose races had deviated from the titans' blueprints. A planet where not everything had gone according to plan.
twitch chat
July 2017
I used to be a real ad
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Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

Give the Kitty 200 kissy wissy's on his little tum tum

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, this is Kenneth J. Nipplemeyer IV, sole heir to the Nipplemeyer fortune. I am willing to give you the entirety of my family's $26 Billion Fortune if you give the Kitty 200 kissy wissy's on his little tum tum on stream. Must be done enthusiastically and at 60fps or no deal. Sincerely. Kenneth aka "the Nippster"
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Imposter broke into my house!

So yesterday I was eating with my family when all of a sudden a “crew mate” broke in through the front door. He had a ski mask on and a gun which was sus, but he a good skin. My father told us all to hide so we don’t get killed by the obvious imposter. I could see him from my hiding spot under the table and he looked sus. So I told my dad “DAD YOU THINK HE IS THE IMPOSTER? HE IS SUS!” I yelled as loud as I could. The imposter found us hiding and shot my father five times. The imposter was so dumb, who kills someone in front of crew mates? I ran to call the emergency meeting by grabbing my phone off the table when I heard my mother get shot and scream for me. Lol she was so bad at among us. My teammates sucked and were dying to the worst Imposter. So I called the emergency meeting and for some reason a S.W.A.T team rammed down the door and killed the imposter. Lol that’s not how the game goes, I think they were hacking.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

YOU NEED TO GET GRAMMARLY™

twitchquotes: If you write ANYTHING on your computer, YOU NEED TO GET GRAMMARLY™. I write pretty much ALL DAY every day and GRAMMARLY™ makes my writing better. As a student I like that it's FREE It actually is... correcting everything as I'm writing it. Grammar errors spelling errors... IT EVEN helps me find the right words to use!! SO I can say what I want to say!! It catches all those embarrassing little mistakes BEFORE I HIT SEND!!! I download GRAMMARLY™ around my freshman year because I was just... Ｈ Ｏ Ｒ Ｒ Ｉ Ｂ Ｌ Ｅ... at typing! Grammarly™ is like my secret weapon for writing papers. It's just the PERFECT tool for your resume, you know you don't want ANY errors when it's your first impression. I use GRAMMARLY™ for important emails, social media posts (which there are a L O T of.) I've used EVERY TOOL OUT THERE!! And Grammarly™ is by far the ＢＥＳＴ for improving your writing. GRAMMARLY™ is making me a better writer. AND it's free... I would recommend GRAMMARLY™ if you're a student, my family, my peers, my colleagues, It's like having YOUR OWN personal proof-reader for free.
twitch chat
August 2019

Crewmate wave

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April 2022

Among Us / Amogus

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