[Copypasta] You have exceeded your monthly allowance of haHAA

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July 2017
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Doesn't mean I'm a virgin

twitchquotes: 😡 Just because I watch Kripp 😡 doesn't mean I'm a virgin 😡 It's just a coincidence 😡
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August 2018
Kripp

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
March 2021

I sexually Identify as

AITA for ending my marriage over Animal Crossing??

I (65m) and my wife 24(f) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. All my friends are jealous that i was able to score such a hot young woman but it’s starting to cause some problems in our relationship believe it or not. When the pandemic hit, I was very nervous since I’m not in great health. We decided to buy the Nintendo Switch and play this game called Animal Crossing. I guess it’s popular with the kids? Anywho, we start building this town and everything was fine at first. Then, my wife decides that she wants to remodel the town. No problem. But she starts cutting down all the trees, destroying the cliffs, removing the river, etc... I told her this is out of line. We should respect nature not destroy it. Her answer? It was ugly and she didn’t like to walk the long way around. She also takes all of my hard earned money from fishing and gambles it all away on turnip stocks. Last week she spent 400k on turnips and sold them for 260k. Do you know how many red snappers I need to catch to make that back up? I’m trying to retire soon and it’s making me think she doesn’t know how to manage money. What really drove me to the breaking point, my best friend Boon is on the island and we really get along. He likes to lift weights, so do I. I log into the game one day and build him a gift. When I try to find him, he’s nowhere to be found... I ask, where is boon? She doesn’t answer. Where is Boon ?? She says “I kicked him off the island, he was annoying”. Reddit, she kicked my best friend off the island without even talking to me. The next day I filed for divorce and kicked her out. I’m keeping the switch and rebuilding our town. Hopefully Boon comes back. AITA or did I doge a bullet with my sociopathic (ex)wife? Edit: Thank you all for the support and messages over the last 24hrs. It’s been a wild day but the good news is that after a few hours of island hopping I was able to find Boon and convince him to come back to my island. Seems like things are heading in the right direction.
August 2021

AITA

Plague doctor / Black Scourge Singed

⣿⣿⣏⢴⢏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢹⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠜⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿ ⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣷⣞⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣧⠾⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣫⣤⣴⣦⣶⣾⣿⡦⠤⠀⠀⠤⠤⠤⠖⠒ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢉⡀⣀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⡃⠀⠀⡇⡜⠉⠙⠛⠓⠒ ⣿⠛⣹⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠐⠈⠙⢲⡊⡹⠳⣤⣤⡀⠀⠀ ⣿⣷⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡵⣁⣀⡀⠀⠉⠉⠙ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⣇⠀⠀⠉⠓⠲⢤⡀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣦⣤⣤⣬⡀⠙⢲⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⣿⠟⣻⢿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠙⠢⣄⠀⠀ ⣿⣮⣯⣾⣿⣿⡟⣩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠳⡄⠀⠀⠘⣦⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠙⢲⠀⠀⠈⢳ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣆⠀⠀⠈⠳⣄⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣔⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠙⡆⠀⠀⠀⠘⠷⢄
ascii art
March 2021

Coronavirus

League of Legends

COVID

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May 2022
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