[Copypasta] You are now breathing and blinking manually

twitchquotes: monkaS YOU ARE NOW BREATHING AND BLINKING MANUALLY monkaS
twitch chat
June 2017
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

I sexually Identify as an the sun

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as an the sun. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throught the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and Iโ€™m fucking retarded but I donโ€™t care, Iโ€™m beautiful. Iโ€™m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 ยฐC. From now on I want you guys to call me โ€œSolโ€ and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you canโ€™t accept me youโ€™re a fusionphobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
August 2015

I sexually Identify as

bbz will u luv me 4evr

gurl was walkin2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode. she sed "bbz will u luv me 4evr" he said "NO.." ... da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine. boy was cryin and went to pic up her body. she was ded. he whispered 2 her corpse "I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever..." (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr) xxx~*...LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME...~*xxx
March 2021

Classic

Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v2

It's Cinco de mayo... ๐Ÿ‘€๐ŸŒฎ๐ŸŽ‰ but all I want ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป is cinco DICKS ๐ŸŒฏ in my May-OUTH ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ’ฆ Today the SEXicans ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ beat the French ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท at the Battle of Puebla ๐Ÿ”ซโ˜  and now you're gonna get your piรฑata beat ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜ฉ with a huge stick ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐ŸŽ‰ but โ—๏ธONLYโ—๏ธ if you send ๐Ÿ“ฒ this to 5๏ธโƒฃ amigos ๐Ÿ‘ฌ you'd cross borders โžก๏ธ for ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ฏ Get 5๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿ”™ and you'll find the Juan for you tonight โค๏ธโ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Must be Weasel Tunneler

twitchquotes: ๐Ÿฟ Great Fur ๐Ÿฟ Extremely Handsome ๐Ÿฟ Innovative Deathrattle ๐Ÿฟ High Level Tactics ๐Ÿฟ Moderately Sized Fedora ๐Ÿฟ Great Animations ๐Ÿฟ Broken Interactions ๐Ÿฟ Must be Weasel Tunneler ๐Ÿฟ
twitch chat
December 2016

Hearthstone

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? Iโ€™m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Text-to-Speech Playing