[Copypasta] Your only friend is Twitch Chat

twitchquotes: FeelsBadMan THAT MOMENT FeelsBadMan WHEN YOU REALIZE FeelsBadMan THAT YOUR ONLY FRIEND FeelsBadMan IS TWITCH CHAT FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
March 2017
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff

twitchquotes: Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff, executive producer for the Food Channel. We have reviewed your recent application to be a host of your own TV show on our network titled, "Salty Vegan Eats - A Pro Gamer's Way of Life" However, after further reviewing your claim of being an "extremely popular professional gamer" we found the evidence lacking. Mr. Octavian, casually playing a children's card game does not make you a "pro gamer." Have a nice day and good luck to your future endeavors.
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

salty

Never buy a keyboard off a chinese bidding website

twitchquotes: ᴺᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵇᵘʸ ᵃ ᵏᵉʸᵇᵒᵃʳᵈ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ᶜʰᶦᶰᵉˢᵉ ᵇᶦᵈᵈᶦᶰᵍ ʷᵉᵇˢᶦᵗᵉ
twitch chat
November 2018

Yo Mama guy

⠀⣴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣁⠀⠀⠀ ⠈⠣⢴⡖⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣤⣤⠶⣏⣠⡤⠀⣀⠀⣀⠀⠀⣠⡄⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠉⠻⡦⠀ ⠀⣰⡏⢀⡀⠀⢠⡄⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠾⠿⡤⠟⠛⠛⠛⠳⠶⠺⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣤⠤⠴⠃⠀ ⠀⢾⣤⣿⢀⡀⢸⡀⣠⣿⡇⠀⡀⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢞⣋⢉⡛⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⣯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⣾⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠁⠉⡿⠀⠈⠉⣿⠘⠧⠼⠳⠶⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠟⠉⠁⠀⠁⠑⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⢤⣄⠚⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠠⣇⣴⠄⠀⢻⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠠⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⠀⢢⡆⠀⠰⠶⡶⠀⠀⠀⣾⠋⠀⡀⢻⣧⠛⠛⣦⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢿⣰⣇⢸⣇⡭⣑⡄⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡈⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⠁⢸⠇⠀⣼⣿⠀⢻⡂⠀⢸⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠈⢹⠋⠀⠈⠻⡄⠰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡴⠒⠉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣹⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠹⣸⠀⢠⣿⣿⡇⢸⡇⠀⠿⣄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢏⣡⠔⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡆⢸⣿⣿⡇⣸⠇⠀⠀⢸⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣶⠂⠉⣙⣻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠷⠶⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠛⢹⡇⣿⠀⢠⣤⠞⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣤⡞⠁⠀⠹⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠶⢮⣸⠏⠀⢀⡹⠂⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣅⠀⠀⠀⢹⣆⠀⠀⢠⣤⡀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⠶⠶⠾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⣤⠀⠀⠸⣇⣀⣼⢡⣤⣤⠵⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠷⣄⠀⠀⢿⡆⠀⢠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡄⢸⡇⠀⠀⠈⣿⣶⣼⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣆⠈⢷⠀⣾⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡾⠁⣸⡿⠘⣷⣄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣽⡆⠈⠛⢁⣀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⡴⠖⠛⠉⠀⣴⠟⠁⠀⣷⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠋⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣥⣿⣶⠛⠋⠉⠉⢉⣩⡭⠿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠏⠑⡶⠖⢻⠏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠈⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠇⠀⠈⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⡗⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠃⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⠴⠞⠋⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠖⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠀⠀⢈⣁⣀⣤⡤⢴⣶⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣾⣯⣥⣤⠤⢤⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2021

Kripp forgot about shredder placement

twitchquotes: Pupparrian scampers excitedly as Kripp carries the new bird cage. "Here you go, Birdarrian," says Kripp as he hangs the cage in the office. Unfortunately, Pupparian's joyful romping caused kripp to stumble, the cage bursting open and Birdarrian falling helplessly into the merciless jaws of the paper shredder sitting below the cage. "Oh no," gasps Kripp, "I forgot about shredder placement!"
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
September 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing