[Copypasta] I'm just a poor pasta maker

twitchquotes: I'm just a poor pasta maker struggling to make a living in this world. I may not be as fast as those big pasta factories with their fancy machines, but I am committed to providing you a quality pasta experience. I use only the freshest and dankest artisanal memes, and I can assure you that when you RIP in spaghetti, you'll never forgetti.
twitch chat
January 2017
I used to be a real ad
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This is shit

twitchquotes: โ–€โ–ˆโ–€ โ–ˆโ–ฌโ–ˆ โ–ˆ โ–„โ–ˆโ–€ โ–ˆ โ–„โ–ˆโ–€ โ–„โ–ˆโ–€ โ–ˆโ–ฌโ–ˆ โ–ˆ โ–€โ–ˆโ–€
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I will cut off your dick if you cheat on me

(โœฟ โ—•โ€ฟโ—•) แ“„โœ‚โ•ฐUโ•ฏ
ascii art
April 2021

Because it's a cool cat

twitchquotes: CoolCat FORCED CoolCat TO CoolCat SPAM CoolCat THIS CoolCat EMOTE CoolCat BECAUSE CoolCat ITS CoolCat A CoolCat COOL CoolCat CAT CoolCat
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Reddit and Twitter changed their logos

twitchquotes: My entire life Iโ€™ve been a hardcore anti-minority white man who despised anyone who didnโ€™t look like me, but today I saw reddit and twitter changed their logos to the color black, and now Iโ€™m sitting here in shock just thinking about my choices in life. Wow.
twitch chat
June 2020
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