[Copypasta] Oops I dropped my CONGA LINE

Dicks are so cute omg

twitchquotes: Dicks are so cute omg(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) when you hold one in your hand and it starts twitching its like its nuzzling you(/ω＼) or when they perk up and look at you like" owo nya? :3c" hehe ~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!（＾ワ＾)

twitch chat

March 2018

Classic

I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

November 2014

Classic

I sexually Identify as

A New Toucan Has Arrived

░░░░░░░░░░░░▄█▀█▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░▄██▀░█░░░░░░░░░░▀▀▄▄░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░███▀█▀█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▒▒▒▄███░░░ ░░░░░░░░▄██░░░░█░░░░░░░░▀▀▀▀▀▀█░░░ ░░░░░░▄███░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░█████▄░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░████████▄▄░█░░░░A░NEW░░░░░░░░░ ░░░████████████░░░░░░TOUCAN░░░░░░░ ░░░▀██████████░░░░░░░░HAS░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░██▒▀█▒▀█▀░░░░░░░░░░ARRIVED░░░░ ░■▓▓▓▓▓▄▓▓▄▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓■░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄▄███▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░

ascii art

January 2019

Classic

Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer

twitchquotes: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°) OVERCONFIDENCE IS A SLOW AND INSIDIOUS KILLER ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

twitch chat

July 2015

Classic

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

January 2021

[Copypasta] Oops I dropped my CONGA LINE

Classic

Classic

Dicks are so cute omg

Classic

I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter

Classic

I sexually Identify as

A New Toucan Has Arrived

Classic

Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer

Classic

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Classic

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