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WallStreetBets copypastas

Copypastas related to stock trading, especially those from the infamous WallStreetBets subreddit.
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Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla

December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume. "Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows. We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Can you guys critique my portfolio? New investor looking for guidance

Not sure if this is the best place to post this but I just inherited 1.5M from my distant uncle and want to make him proud. Right now my portfolio I have: 10% LUCK 20% SKLZ 15% CPW 5% PLTR 50% PAIN and 100% R.TO (RTN) is this an ok for a beginner looking for conservative annual 37% gains?
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Bullish market makes me hard

When the stocks πŸ“ŠπŸ“ go up πŸ“ˆπŸ’Έ, my dick goes too πŸ†β¬†οΈπŸ˜³. Bullish πŸ‚ market 🏬 makes me hard πŸ¦΄πŸ’¦. All the countries πŸ³οΈπŸ΄πŸ΄β€β˜ οΈπŸπŸš©πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡³ try to recover πŸ”„ from corona 🦠 so the money πŸ’°πŸ’΅πŸ’Έ flows 🌬 into my pocket πŸ’³. Soon πŸ”œ there will be a crash πŸ“‰πŸ˜­πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜– and the bears 🐻 will crawl 🚼 out of their holes πŸ•³. Then they cut off my greedy dick βœ‚οΈπŸ†πŸ©Έ if I don’t ❌ eat ’em out πŸ‘…πŸ˜Έ. I must turn into a bear πŸ‚βž‘οΈπŸ» and make 🀌🏼 more money πŸ’°πŸ’΅πŸ’Έ and eat some honey 🐻🍯. When I’m done βœ… I’ll throw a party πŸŽ‰πŸ·πŸΎ and eat your ass πŸ‘…πŸ‘.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

EmojiPasta

GME investor thinking what they will do after they're rich

If all this plays out as the DD states (it will), the system is going to be bled so bad it's going to make the recession look like childs play. Even if it's a fraction of the maximum damage some of the highest end DD states, we are still going to breach numbers beyond our wildest dreams. I think it is important that you take more than a few moments to yourself to recognize the gravity of that kind of lifechanging occurrence. Personally, in my dream world after all this is over, I'd like to imagine the following scenario: Apes gain enough money to impart systemic change on a global scale. We have apes from literally every corner of the world in this play. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if a scientist on Antarctica was in on this. That is a global redistribution of wealth. This isn't just the US that benefits. The Europoors are here in droves, I've seen posts from a Phillipino trying to help his dad and a South American who cobbled together 3 months wages to buy 1 share of Gamestop. ONE SHARE FOR THREE MONTHS WAGES! Imagine that level of poverty disparity for one second. That person is going to come into that global economy money. If she held out to the top end, imagine what kind of change she could impart on her community to help invest in infrastructure, businesses, technology. Things that are lacking in her neighborhood. I live in Mexico (but am American) and personally, I would love to use the money to help fix Mexico's sewage problem so we can finally drink the tap water. Maybe these projects can't be done on a governmental scale. You'll be helping a percentage of your community that you can afford with the money you have. But, if everyone, and I mean everyone, who made money off this play used it to invest in their communities, imagine the growth? The World Health Organization said that it would only cost $30 billion dollars to fix world hunger. What if we get trillions? Individually, across the entire world, we could grow just about every nook and cranny of society based on what we know for our respective territories. Remember the age old issue of "starving children in Africa"? As an American, we literally hear that all the time from our parents if we don't clean our plates off. It's like making a joke of a serious issue that has gone ignored for god knows how long. Maybe the wealth that gets transferred to individuals in Africa will be more effective than the money that is being used now for infrastructure and societal projects in those regions because they actually care because they're a regular, empathetic, caring person. I don't know what all the current problems are in the world. Media is not a very good outlet for communicating all the problems in the world because there are just TOO MANY. but I know what the current problems are in MY area. Really, as long as you're investing in other people who do these things because they have more expertise, that is totally fine. Playing the stock market is actually a really good way to vote with your money. Just contribute back. So, in my perfect world, none of you bought actual lambos (well, maybe treat yourself if you end up one of the $500 million/share moonshotters). None of you bought mega mansions or $100,000 watches. You lived an upper modest life, because you deserve that for having the cohones to play this play. You don't support those industries that cater exclusively to people who have so much money they'd rather buy something monumentally expensive than be more mindful of their environment and try to improve it. Imagine if all of us just became more asshole rich people? The people we used to hate because all they did was buy luxurious items while the world burned around them. What you did was you were maybe a Flint, Michigan resident and you helped fix the plumbing to some degree, but got the city to pay you based on the water usage. You were a resident where power is inconsistent and you build some solar panels and charged the city for their use. You were a citizen where food is sparse and poverty is immense, and you invest in farms and you sell locally. Whatever you're passionate about that's a problem in your area. And not just that: We continue our immense collective power to amass information on stuff that's important that will also make us a shit load of money (because the more we make, the more we can fix our own problems). I really hope we don't see a day where the DD stops flowing. We can't let such an information engine die after this. Can you imagine what knowledge we'd find if we dedicated our efforts on learning something else like we did with GME? Going further than my previous example, I would love to see a world where there are focused mega-projects we decide to work on as an investigative unit. Dig into theories of why they're not working, what could be done to improve it, and who can or is doing it so we can financially support them (assuming they have sound business models). I'm definitely writing this stoned off my tits, so maybe this will be just the musings of someone who likes the stock, but it felt like something worth talking about because I'm not sure we'll get another opportunity like this for generations. I can't even really think of the LAST massive citizen wealth distribution we had and frankly, I'm too lazy to google it, but it was a long ass time ago I'm sure. I'm just really jazzed about all this. It feels like a giant ass step forward for humanity, if I'm being honest (and again, really stoned. In fact, the longer I write this, the more stoned I'm becoming). I feel like the world powers lost their grip on control for a moment and you know what? Everything is alright. Maybe one day we will actually ease up on all this conflict and start working together as a species. End rant. Lord. If anyone actually reads this, I'll be surprised xD. Edit: Oof. Just read this nasty piece of news: https://futurism.com/the-byte/scientists-mass-extinction-organisms-flee-equator What if this becomes our next project? Fix the environment, one city at a time. Thanks for joining me in my musings Edit2: You know what I'm gonna do? When I get my tendies I'm gonna hire some software coders and web designers to make a site that tracks the perceived importance of issues, voted on by the people and link them to subreddit communities for people who want to help. You might have to look at some ads, so I can keep it free, but it could be a nice way to rally the world to certain causes or act as a metric for world notice/care/importance.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

I used to be a real ad
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If Apple opens super green tomorrow

If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Daily WSB trader routine

1. Wake up 2. Check memfolio, buy more PLTR calls 3. Shit while looking at charts, don’t wipe 4. Fomo and buy the top 5. Watch stock Plummet 6. Sell, watch stock go up 7. Go to WSB and downvote everything 8. Jerk off, nut, realize how empty you are 9. Stare at futures for 3 hours 10. Sleep & repeat
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Bear King Burry vs TSLA

Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Man i love bull markets

Man i love bull markets. Tried to type in the ticker for MAXN yesterday to buy some but MAGN came up instead. Didn't know wtf it was but I was too lazy to redo my search so I bought that instead and it started mooning.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

GameStop vs Amazon

i’m not sure how up to date you are on the whole GameStop situation but Amazon is heading for bankruptcy and GameStop is now their biggest competitor. market cap isn’t there yet, but the company plan is on track. also Jeff Bezos is the target of every major corporation now. Amazon CANT survive the next few years with their increasing bad reputation from littering and burning unused inventory to labor rights with their workers being violated. Amazon sounds great, until you look underneath the hood and see all the parts are grinding and screaming. GameStop is targeting Amazon to be the epicenter of e-commerce/gaming. this GameStop earnings has been MASSIVELY anticipated and i believe Amazon will continue to develop a negative correlation to GameStop. so what do they have to do with each other? competitors and GameStops about to make the move with a bite to the jugular.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

I used to be a real ad
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bears are fuk

I hate people saying bears are fuk or bulls are fuk. Stop saying that. It's very rude. Just say bears are fuk
December 2020

WallStreetBets

If PLTR hits 35 today

If PLTR hits 35 today I will wipe with quarter ply toilet paper and accidentally discover myself
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I challenge you to β€œTurtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to β€œTurtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the β€œdock” is crowned Turtle 🀴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

WSB Choose your fighter

Choose your fighter Alex Magikarp 🐟 Elon TechnoCuckLord πŸ€–+🀴 Jeff Divorcedzos πŸ’” Salmonella πŸ” Nutella 🍫 Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman 🀑 Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya 🍈 Ryan Cocken your butthole πŸ₯’πŸ’¦ πŸ‘‰πŸ‘ŒπŸ˜³ πŸ₯’ Z πŸ₯’ U πŸ₯’ C πŸ₯’ C πŸ₯’ Tim 🍎 Bottom πŸ…±οΈENIS Jack Ma MIA πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the 🐻s' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods πŸ™βœοΈ
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Text-to-Speech Playing