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Hearthstone copypastas

  • 164
    164
    twitchquotes:As a young boy, Kripp lived with his family in a chateau in Romania. Kripp had a younger sister who was born frail and prone to illness. The family always took special care to make sure she was never too cold or hot. One day Kripp's parents were late and told Kripp to put his sister to bed. Kripp accidentally left the window of the chateau open, his sister contracted pneumonia and died. At the funeral, his father sobbed and said "My son, why did you ignore the chat draft?"
  • 164
    164
    twitchquotes:Kripp puts his hands on my hips and looks into my eyes. His face comes closer as he plants his wet lips onto mine. We are locked together in a beautiful display of love. Then I wake up. I look at Kripp's stream. He is playing Tavern Brawl. Now I remember why I fell asl... ResidentSleeper
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 545
    545
    twitchquotes:Jebaited 22 Murlocs in the PJSalt at Tavern Brawl! Big hard mind blasts wanting to be RENOUNCED! 22 Armorsmiths wanting to be pinged! Holy Novas in the PJSalt at Tavern Brawl! On their haHAA wanting to topdeck Krippo salt! Tavern Brawl really rocks! Jebaited
  • 554
    554
    twitchquotes:ResidentSleeper BORING TO WATCH ResidentSleeper BORING TO PLAY ResidentSleeper GRAB YOUR PILLOWS ResidentSleeper ITS BRAWL DAY ResidentSleeper
  • 401
    401
    twitchquotes:Anduin is standing outside, looking through the window. He sees how Ben Brode SCAMAZes Tyrande. A small tear runs down his face. "Since Tyrande is the new Priest hero, nobody will ever fulfill my wishes and desires..." A muscular hand lays down on Anduin's shoulder. He turns around and gasps. It's Uther, the Lightbringer himself. "Don't worry, I will make sure you will get my Blessing of Might". Anduin's sorrow immediatly vanishes as he is about to receive his blessing. Uther smirks and reveals his 5/3 Assbringer. "Wow..." Anduin says. Uther slams his Assbringer into Anduin's 1/1 Lightspawn. "Well Played" Uther yells as he Consecrates all over Anduin's face. "BY THE HOLY LIGHT!"
  • 503
    503
    twitchquotes:Ben Brode twirls his fingers in Tyrande's soft dirty blue hair. "If I do this, will you make Elune great again?" Tyrande asks as she starts to undress. "Just do as I say and I'll give you the next Dr. Boom". Tyrande prepares her Cockbiter Weapon. She nods as Ben Brode takes out his 4 mana 7/7 and slams it into Tyrande's 0/5 tightwell. "BY ELUNE'S GRACE"! Tyrande screams. After Boom-botting for 3 seconds, "HAAHAAHAA! YOU HAVE BEEN PURIFIED!" Brode yells as he SCAMAZes all over Tyrande's face..
  • 452
    452
    twitchquotes:"My apologies" Kripp's opponent emotes as he casts fireball on Kripp, ending Kripps arena run. "That guy was so lucky! He curved out every turn, had every answer and topdecked lethal!" Kripp sighs and loads up another arena run. His opponent closes his laptop and thinks "What a scrub. And now for the cherry on top" as his opponent walks out from the other room goes up to Kripp and licks Kripp's arm. "Good doggie" Kripp says "Here's a treat for a good doggie".
  • 508
    508
    twitchquotes:Diablo. PoE. WoW. GW2. Long ago,the four games lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Hearthstone nation attacked. Only Kripp, master of no life gaming, could stop them, but when the world needed him the most, he played ResidentSleeper stone.
  • 492
    492
    twitchquotes:Kripp will never, ever click the button. The expansions will release at a faster rate than he can collect dust. Much like the contents of the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, the button is merely a carrot Kripp dangles in front of his viewers without any intention of actually delivering. This is blatantly obvious - he even admits he doesn't bother to calculate because he knows he'll never click it. We will spam this pasta until the button has been clicked.
  • 344
    344
    twitchquotes:I scored 160 on the WAIS-IV many years back, at 4 standard deviations from the mean, or at the 99.997th percentile. My childhood IQ score on the SB-LM was 189. Is there a deck that is very intellectually demanding and has an extremely high skill cap that will test my intellect to the very most?
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 1269
    1269
    twitchquotes:I'm Kripp Harrison, and this is my Hearthstone stream. I work here with my dog and my wife, Rania the Succubus. Every arena run in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know WHAT my opponent is going to topdeck
  • 1563
    1563
    twitchquotes:Ben Brode twirls his fingers in Anduins soft dirty blond hair. "If I do this, will you make me great again?" Anduin asks as he starts to undress. "Just do as I say and I'll give you the next Dr. Boom". Anduin nods as Ben Brode slams his Temple Enforcer into Anduins 0/5 lightwell. After Boom-botting for 3 seconds, "HAAHAAHAA! YOU HAVE BEEN PURIFIED!" Brode yells as he SCAMAZes all over Anduins face.
  • 210
    210
    twitchquotes:First, some perspective. I'm a PURIFY-PRIEST player. If you don't know what that is, it's not important, just know it's a deck I'm very passionate about and that I've played for three years now. That's right, I've played the same deck for the years, and it's never gotten stale. Why? Because the enjoyment comes from mastering the deck, from fine tuning my decision making, my sequencing, from learning how to play around the latest and greatest shenanigans.
  • 157
    157
    twitchquotes:Purify created a strategy that revolved around trying to lose to your opponent in one turn without requiring any cards on the board. Silencing your own minions and battles between the players and Blizzard make an overall game of Hearthstone more fun and compelling, but spending 2 mana on a trash card in one turn is not particularly fun or interactive.
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 123
    123
    twitchquotes:The year is 2017 - Rania is playing hardstone while her puerto rican lover performs felatio on her. She queues into an UNKNOWN and instantly receives a message from the Kripp. "This is so unfair! It`s not my fault vegans can`t eat p*#sy! You have 30 minutes to come back home before I shoot myself and dex in the face with my vegan gun!" She aggressively slams the desk: "DAMN IT!". "Que se pasa amor" Antonio looks up perplexed, She replies: "Turn 1 go first zombie chow...".